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HASNAIN AAQIB

SONGSOPTOK THE WRITERS BLOG | 5/15/2015 |





A GADGET CALLED WIFE!  
(Humour essay)
“Wife is a gadget and in-laws are its accessories.”        

(This essay is not about WOMEN, it is about only A WIFE. So, ladies, please don’t mind. The writer of this essay is putting his own experiences on paper in the capacity of a humble HUSBAND.)

Wife is not a word. It is a term, a very complex term. And sometimes it becomes very difficult to define a complex term. So I, and I think it is not me alone, even most of you will also find it difficult to define this term. Even after seventeen consecutive years of ‘getting in touch with it’, I failed to define this term on frequent occasions and I still do fail to define it. But I know the fact that wife is a creature of God, created to teach man a lesson. God took out one rib from the rib cage of man and then instead of putting back that rib, He made wife out of it. The holy books say that Eve was made from that rib but I believe it was particularly the woman who was destined to become someone’s wife. Even my mother is also the wife of my father. I have heard and I have seen many courageous men around me whose courage runs away as soon as they face their wives.
Essential components of a WIFE:
There are a few essential components of a WIFE.
1.     DOUBT
2.   ARROGANCE
3.   STUBBORNNESS
4.   ENMITY WITH IN-LAWS WITHOUT ANY REASON
5.    NO NEED OF WISDOM
6.   NO NEED OF ANY EXCUSE TO FIGHT WITH IN-LAWS
7.    A STRONG SENSE OF SUPERIORITY
This is an incomplete list of components of a WIFE. You can make your own additions. I don’t know why nearly all husbands do whine about their wives. Wife is an indispensable part of a HUSBAND’S life, like two wheels of a vehicle. But the other day, one of my friends told me, “Yes, I agree with you. Both are two wheels of a vehicle but one is of cycle and the other is of tractor. And moreover, both do not run in the parallel direction. They run in the opposite direction”.

Husbands, either Indian or American, Australian or African, wrestlers or boxers, are the worst victim of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.  But in India, the Domestic Violence Act applies only against HUSBANDS in particular. Adding some more plight to their agony, there is no constitutional relief for husbands when their wives start their shooting practice. And what is the worst, you know? They do not allow husbands to move out to avert the harshness of situation. Many times, in fact, I often face such situation. When my wife takes a start, I have to listen patiently with my head bent down in complete submission, despite the knowledge of the fact that I am not responsible for anything in any way for what my wife is shouting for.

 Every brave man would always feel humble and coward before his wife. For instance, I put down a real incidence here. A man was boasting among his friends about his bravery. He said he had once been in a jungle where he suddenly saw a lion exactly in front of his eyes. Their eyes met, the man gazed constantly into the eyes of the lion so fiercely that the lion had to run away with fear. Somebody from the circle asked him, “Do you not fear even your wife?” He said, “No, never.” That man who asked this question, again asked him, “Ok, I am going to ask this question to your wife if you fear her or not.” Now it was the turn of this man. He started like this, “Hey, hey, hey, please, please, don’t tell her that I have said this about her. Please, my friend. What I said about the lion was true, but what I said about my wife, was a joke”.  

It is a deliberate effort of a wife to underestimate her husband exactly on his face. But this same wife will boast very strongly about the qualities of her husband in the gamut of her and his relatives and neighbours, about the qualities of her husband of which even Mr. Husband has never been aware since his birth.

I would like to end this essay with the reference of an event which will describe the nature of relationship between a husband and a WIFE. I also wind up my writing out of fear of my fair ladies who are either reading this or cursing me while reading this.   A great saint who was very close to God due to his long years of prolonged worship, would incessantly get hard words from his wife. He would be surrounded by his disciples all the time. On seeing this, his wife would say, “Oh, again those rascals have come here to tease me. Why don’t you go to the Himalayas with this gang of rascals? Who says you are a saint? You are good for nothing, man!. You are wasting your time here. Neither do you earn anything nor do you help me in my household chores. Saints are never like you.” One day, when the saint came home, his wife started taunting him. She said, “Your people say you are a saint. They lie. I have seen a saint today in the afternoon. A white bearded, divine looking man, in a saintly garb, was flying in the sky. He was flying so elegantly, so gracefully, so pious was his face that it was illuminating with divine light.” The saint asked, “What time it was, my dear wife?” She replied, “It must be three in the afternoon.” “Oh my fair lady, it was me. I was in a hurry to go to the mosque to pray because I was getting late. So I went flying.” Said the saint with a slight beam of relaxation on his face mixed with a sense of victory. On hearing this, the wife said, “Oh, it was YOU? That is why you were flying in such a COARSE MANNER. I know you are good for nothing. Even you can’t fly properly.”            
 So, what do you say, man?”.


[HASNAIN AAQIB]


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