Cemal woke up startled, opening his eyes in his own home. And the sorrow of waking up alone in his bed started giving big pain somewhere inside. Gamze passed by his heart as usual.

That brunette girl in the picture...The clogged longing in his heart spread out naughty confettis on the vision of Gamze in her wedding dress. He got up reluctantly. He went to the kitchen and boiled  water  for tea. Then, washing his face, started shaving. He was again bleeding in A Rh positive  today, with his suicidal imitation of shaving

When he went out the bathroom, he lit his first cigarette without waiting for the tea. . Because his lungs that challenged cancer with laughters, were shouting out 'Carpe Diem' impatiently.  In the barrel of his package, three cigarettes were left. As he inhaled a deep breath, the doorbell rang. For a long time the doorbell was not to be heard in his home. Cemal found Jale at the treshold when he opened the door. Jale obviously came early with her nice sporty outfits, nicely done make up and with a plate in her hands full of fresh pies. Said ''Good morning Cemal'' hiding her longing that was e flowing out of the pupils of her eyes. She wasn't able to hide the sweet shyness that was left from the time that they spent last night.

''Good morning. Wwelcome'' said Cemal with a flirty smile. What burden this was for you Jale.

''What burden? I made some pies..You must have smelled it. I thought you would want some.''

Cemal said ''Thanks a lot dear. See you''. Underling the last word with a flirty hint. ''See you'' said Jale, with a pretty smile and her eyes looking down. And putting her shyness under her arm started climbing up the stairs reluctantly.

Cemal put the hot pies next to newly brewed tea. He just had a glimpse at his pelargonium.: ''Girl why did you put your head down. Are you jelaous or what?...'' He said farewell  to  his house again as he was leaving. As he went down an ominous air met him that turned out his inner peace into a broken toy. The hope that he attached on his collar like an Algerian violet suddenly withered. Sky was a Grand Vizir that wore a 'Black Kaftan'. Gloom was shaking on the city like a greasy rope, as if waiting for an operation on Sultan's orders. 

The office was getting narrower every minute. Cemal was confronting the unresolveness of beheaded murders in other folders.

He could never take not overcoming on any matter. He had tried to hold on to life with a lot of battles until now. He closed the folder into 
solitude. He got married with the new cigarette before the corps of the old cigarette got cold. The ofice door was opened suddenly to a new tension.

''Captain Cemal''


''A new beheaded corpse is found. Ümit started from where he is to the murder site.'' Cemal had a tension like a boxer going to his title fight. Getting the adress of the scene, he went downstairs with strong steps.'' He was murmuring himself ''Oh only if you had a short.'' He opened the door of his car as if he wanted to break it off. He sat on the seat as if he was going into a panzer. ''Let's see what happens.'' he said to himself.

The door of solitude slowly opened for Cemal. His car was a dirty whisper mixed into silence. Darkness was drawn onto the city like a black curtain. Spotlights were a feeble guide that were trying to enlighten the obscureness of the roadway.  Forest was throwing it's black eyes onto the car like a heavy threat.

A shivering light bundle came into sight from a distance,. He had come closer to the site of incident. Parking the car in the nearest place, he dived into the forest reposing on the feeble help of his flashlight. He was getting closer at every step to a vacant uneasiness. He was simply walking towards death step by step. The insignificant visions in the light bundle became clear. The inspection team and Ümit tried to conceive the identity the newcomer.

''Captain Cemal?''

''Yes it's me...''

The team circled the death.

With Cemal's arrival the circle was broken instantly and the violence that was at the footstep of an old tree came into sight: A corpse of a fat middle aged woman, beheaded and hurt severely was lying down all nude.  The log book of the murders became totally complicated. Cemal was not expecting to confront woman's corpse after two male victims. Coziness of the forest became deeper. Uneasiness was rustling on the leaves of branches. A showy silence had fallen down on the forest like fog. The woman's skin had turned into an egg-plant field with the strokes of a hammer accompanied with some cigarette burns. On her back there was a carved inscription vertically ''There's blood under every word.''

''There was a big letter C running like a crazy brook, in the deep valley between her two boobs.'

Julide was knitting a sweater, expecting to hear the voice of Cemal's car that would park in front of the house, like Jale who was eating pumpkinseeds.

Whenever Cemal was late, time  crept slowly for the sisters. The iron mountains of anxiety settled on their breasts. Their hearts were squeezed in the clamp of fear. Despite the fact that Julide was full of anger for Jale and Cemal's spending the night together, she was still anxious. Once in a while she threw a glance to Jale and she was carefully listening to every voice coming from outside like herself. Both of them were watching the television carelessly.

Sound of a brake came into the middle of the room like a heart attack. Two sisters settled on the window like flies that swarmed on jelly. Thank god Cemal had come all in one piece again. Loneliness fell upon Cemal like an avalanche as he opened the door to trust. Who did Cemal have except his loneliness. Opening a beer he sat down on the armchair. He was trying to disperse the black clouds of anxiety that settled on his head. He was stuck in between of a knot that was going blind. There was no evidence found around the new body that gave any clue about the identity of the murderer. And it was really confusing that the last body belonged to a woman. He was really depressed. One one side chronical loneliness, on the other Ümit's whom he loved even more than a brother, revealing his sexual identity as being homosexual, on top of everything, this horrible serial murders.

He missed Gamze at such times like this that troubles accumulated on top of each other. Wish she were here by his side. First she'd end his loneliness, later they'd communicate.

''Buddy give me one more gin-tonic.'' Ümit said to the bartender, putting his head up from the deep darkness that he had fallen into.

Gin-tonic set infront of him saluting Ümit with respect.

''Ok, thank you.''

''Bon appetit.''

His father had always been an exclamation mark standing  in front of his life. He had constantly tried to block Ümit's being the master of his own life. Ever since his childhood, it was his father who had chosen which schools he was going to follow, with whom he would have friendship, which career he would choose, and now who he should marry...And the worst part was that that he would get married to 'a girl'. How would he say that : ''I'm gay, I have nothing to do with girls.'' to his parents ?.

Saying ''Buddy, one more please'', he put his glass up, within bartender's field of sight. If he could sit at the table here, it was because he could tell his parents that he was on duty. Of course he would have to sober up and get rid of the smell of alcohol before he returned home. How would he resist their demands...What kind of an excuse would he present for not getting married. Even if he told them that he didn't like this girl, and even if he convinced them, another one would have been offered to him soon. ''God damn it!'' he cried out the anger that he accumulated from helplessness. ''What is there to do? What!what!what!' Ümit was the mandatory passenger of the black phaeton of fate. The weight of his courage was not enough to erect his flag in the center of his life. It was a possibility that he would be like a small island in the midst of the ocean of loneliness. ''Buddy, one more please.''Barmen arranged the gin-tonic to relief. 'Give me one cigarette, god damn it.'' He directed a 100 mm. Cigarette barrel to the freshness of his lungs. His bronchus answered with broken coughs of inexperience.

His glass was suddenly emptied together with the cigarette that totally turned into ash. ''Buddy would you bring me a cup of coffee.''
Passing through the jungle of entertainment in the bar and hitting the trees, he went to the toilet. He washed face with cold water. His face emerged suddenly behind the fog of alcohol. Then he returned to his seat. He drank the bitter coffee without waiting for it to get cooler.  Then he overflew the sea of the bar like an old boat. He got on the road for home by jumping in a taxi as he had done when he was coming. Putting the mouth spray on, he put his face out of the window to the strong wind. Passing through the heavily made up city, Ümit reached his neighborhoods. The neighborhoods had already entered the soft breast of sleep. Cats were globalizing whatever they found, sneaking into the houses from the open kitchen windows of one flat homes.

(To be continued)


Translated by Metin Anli
Edited by Aparajita Sen


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