I became aware of the Valentine’s Day only
after setting foot in the Western hemisphere three decades ago. From ads for
the perfect diamond for the lady love to flowers, candy, red hearts and romance
– that's what Valentine's Day came to be to my inexperienced senses. It was an
oasis in the dreary winter season. Years later, I realized that it was a way
for the retail shoppers to jumpstart their sales following the year-end holiday
season that is always a strain on the shoppers’ wallets.
With the cupid’s pheromone wafting as the
Big Day approaches, I am reminded of the glory and glow of new love. However,
being a naiveté in matters of heart I felt that must gain some insight into the
experience of the opposite gender to appreciate the true impact of this day.
When I started reading about personal anecdotes, I found that this occasion was
far more variegated than the retailers would like us to believe.
What I find is that Valentine’s Day, a
holiday traditionally about love and romance, has been slowly evolving into a
holiday filled with mixed emotions, unmet expectations, and miscommunication
between many individuals. Men and women have always struggled with
communicating and understanding each other’s wants and needs. There are myths
and reality of what men and women truly desire for Valentine’s Day.
Men feel women are more about expensive
gifts and being wined and dined in posh, upscale restaurants. In reality, most
women prefer to be heard, listened to, and have a mutual sharing of thoughts
with their partner. They would rather receive a thoughtful gift that represents
who they are, instead of a last minute item.
Women would like little acts of romance
throughout their day, such as little love notes and forget-me-nots. Passion is
primal! Sex, desire, and intimacy are things all women want in their
relationships. Lastly, women seek a “real connection” with their partner. They
want to share their “lives” together. Real connection comes from sharing interests,
hobbies, dreams, and passions. True intimacy happens in the smallest moments of
sharing disappointments, fears, hopes, dreams, and our deepest desires, knowing
we are safe and loved.
The origin of this holiday for the
expression of love really isn't romantic at all—at least not in the traditional
sense.
The man behind the holiday—St. Valentine or
Valentinus - was a Roman Priest at a time when there was an emperor called
Claudias who persecuted the church at that particular time. Claudius had an
edict that prohibited the marriage of young people. This was based on the
hypothesis that unmarried soldiers fought better than married soldiers because
married soldiers might be afraid of what might happen to them or their wives or
families if they died.
The idea of encouraging young couples to
marry within the Christian church was what Valentine was about. And he secretly
married them because of the edict. Valentine was eventually caught, imprisoned
and tortured for performing marriage ceremonies against command of Emperor
Claudius the second. In the year 269 AD, Valentine was sentenced to a three
part execution of a beating, stoning, and finally decapitation.
The story goes that the last words Valentine
wrote were in a note to one of his judge Asterius' blind daughter whom he
apparently had healed. He inspired today's romantic missives by signing it,
"from your Valentine." If this little history has not stirred your
emotions, then this following historical note is likely to prove even more
brutal than finding an empty Valentine’s cubby in elementary school.
The story involves Romans too. From Feb. 13
to 15 the ancient Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia (Latin lupus =
wolf, Greek lukos = festival), to ward off evil spirits and enhance the health
of the community. The (drunken) festival began with the sacrifice of two male
goats and a dog. This would be followed by strange and brutal mating practices.
Young women would line up for men to beat them, and then the men would draw the
names of girls from a jar. The name they picked would be their sexual partner
for the rest of the festival (and longer, if it was a good match.)
The Roman populace still continued to
celebrate Lupercalia even after pagan rituals were outlawed in 5th century A.D.
That century Pope Gelasius I established Valentine’s Day at the same time of
Lupercalia to honor two martyred Christian priests named Valentine (they
actually may have been the same person described earlier.) Around that time the
Normans (Norse) also had a day, called Galatin’s Day, which celebrated the love
of women. To further confuse things, the “G” in Norse is pronounced “V” in
English. It seems like Lupercalia, St. Valentine’s Day, and Galatin’s Day all
kind of got meshed together.
The modern flavor of Valentine’s Day took
root in 14th century England within the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer, when
courtly love began to flourish. We find Ophelia ruefully reflecting on
Valentine’s Day in William Shakespeare’s Hamlet. In 18th-century England,
Valentine’s Day evolved into an occasion in which lovers expressed their love
for each other by presenting flowers, offering confectionery, and sending
greeting cards (known as "valentines").
Valentine’s Day is about love, not just
couples. Singles can make it positive and meaningful too! They don’t have to be
lonely and miserable on Valentine’s Day. Learning to love one’s “self” and
self-acceptance are key to making this day special. Sharing love with friends and
family can be very rewarding.
So, give yourself a new experience, sign up
for a fitness or yoga class, or go to the spa, which can help relieve anxiety
and tension. Plan a night out with other single friends, or attend singles
events. Treat yourself to some shopping and buy yourself a Valentine’s gift.
Maintaining a positive attitude and outlook may leave you with positive energy
on this Valentine’s Day!
Finally, a proper evaluation of this
occasion’s significance can’t be done without some numbers. So, here are some
Valentine’s Day fun facts:
Percent of cards bought by women - 85%
Percent of flowers bought by men - 73%
Percent of women who send themselves flowers
- 14%
Amount the average consumer spends - $116.21
Percent of consumers who celebrate - 61.8 %
Percent of women who would end their
relationship if they didn’t get something for Valentine’s Day - 53 % Average number of children conceived on
Valentine’s Day - 11,000
SUBHODEV DAS
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