With the absence of you in my life
I didn't know how to be a mother, pick a man, or be a wife
A whole part of me that held no entity
No identity
Of who I really be
You stole that from me
Leaving me to wander in this world
A grown woman but trapped inside a little girl
You never gave me direction
So I opened my heart without using protection
To those who's intention was to hurt me
To flee
That was their rendition
To leave me in a fetal position
It's your fault that they became my poison
Causing my heart to become frozen
I had no say in my life it was chosen
I’m the one that has to live with all the rejections
The erections
The disrespect
The neglect
I can’t escape the rapes
That play over and over like a never ending cassette tape
Inside my head
So many times I wished that I was dead
But instead I live
As I hold onto rage not wanting to forgive
You get to lay in a quiet grave
While I’m left to fight the slaves
That are trying to hold me down
I walk around wearing a smile
Deep inside in bondage to a frown
I hate that you were never around
I wondered what I did for you to hate me so much
Did you not want to feel my touch
Was it my eyes that you despised
Could I have been surprise
Or was it my gender
That made you surrender
I mean you were the one who chose to plant your seed
Inside of my mother for me to be conceived
Then when I manifest you leave
Now I’m here in the flesh
With a life full of chaos and stress
I want to beat out your selfishness
How could you not have any repentance
For what you did
Dammit I was your kid
It didn't matter you just went on with your life
Not even knowing if I was alright
You left me to fight all these demons on my own
Leaving me feeling like my house was never a home
So I fight hard and cut through the bother
And turned it over to my heavenly Father
Who’s showing me
That His love is stronger
Than any

Brown Paper Bag

You can’t brown paper bag me
White flag
Tag me
Snag me
Into your ignorance
Not accepting my difference
Wanting me to think that checking a box will cause me
Of my future expenses
You’re looking at the world through rose colored
You don’t control
My body nor my soul
And your feelings towards my skin color
Kissed with the rays from the sun
I will not allow the dolor
Of your bipolar thoughts
Needing the center of disease control
To take a stroll
Through my mind
’Cause He has made me whole

Now you live erratic
Always dramatic
But as for me
My ways are systematic
I live under the law
The one without a flaw
Not the one that you follow that full of nothing but contraband
Mine comes from my Maker
And the motherland
He holds the world in the palm of His hands
He spoke a word causing my obsidian complexion to emerge
No longer having the urge
To create another
My God understood
When He was done with me He said it was good
So when people put you down
Don’t allow yourself to be bound
By your race
For not liking the glowing color on your face
Longing to erase you

Even though they try to break you
Shake you
Or be fake
No matter what it takes
Remember that God doesn't make no mistakes

Hold your head high don’t you dare let it drag
You are fearfully and wonderfully made
By your heavenly Father
On you He brags
Who doesn't judge your greatness by a
Brown paper bag


This exterior
Can be superior
If ones not careful to surrender to the interior
The mind is strong
But the flesh is weak
It can give off the sense that it is meek
But if untamed it will not be discrete
It looks to seek its own selfish desires
And turns good men into liars
It acts like gasoline that is thrown into an already blazing
With its own greed
It will stampede
It will mislead
It doesn't care if you are married
Just all long as it has succeed
In getting what it needed

It will cuss
And give into lust
Its not worthy of trust
Your flesh will put you to the test
Never letting you rest
Causing you stress
It and your mind will fight
And one of them will win whether it’s wrong or right
Sometimes flesh can feel like its on fire
Squirming for what it wants to acquire

There have been times that it has taken over my eyes
I can’t even lie
Every part of me tingles
Wanting to intermingle
With what shouldn't be rekindled
It has whispered in my ear
You know you want it
Go on and flaunt it
Don’t front on it
Come on take the chance
Their no place for recompense
In this circumstance

I lick my lips at the thought of filling my narcissism
Not caring about anything but my egoism
Like cannibalism
I allow it to devour
Not caring about the day nor the hour
I know my decision will make my relationship turn sour
A foundation built on lies
That neither one of us can recognize
Concrete slathered in rejection
Of our imperfections
Searching for direction
On which way to go
Wanting to know
How I ended up in this row
This corridor
Fa sho
It was me wanting more
Taking on what I didn't bargain for
Not satisfied with what was bestowed
I chose to open a closed door
Longing to shut
I could feel the danger deep within my gut

There are no if’s
Or maybe’s
The only person that I played was me
I presented you with a present of mistrust
Wrapped in a bow of disgust
And paper that glisten in shame
How could I allow this to be my claim to fame
A tarnished name
I have no one to blame

It started with a melancholy touch
That trickled into a tiny crush
That exploded the flood gates
It was too late
Like Sodom and Gomorrah
In the thrush
Of their adulterated immoral
Diabolical conduct

So I was the one who got an F on my test
And gave into the weakest side of me
My flesh


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