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MARGARET GUDKOV

SONGSOPTOK THE WRITERS BLOG | 7/15/2015 |




Songsoptok: ‘Marriage is a lifelong symphony with one central theme but the music is played in anew everyday’ – this is a rough translation of a line from a short story by Rabindranath Tagore. Do you feel that this comment, made in a period dominated by Victorian romanticism, is true today?

MARGARET: I agree with those words   and they are not belonging only to Victorian era.. To make marriage work both sides have to make steps towards  and make efforts  for it to work

Songsoptok:  What according to you are the main factors for keeping marital relationship alive and healthy?

MARGARET: Equality, trust and love

Songsoptok: Very often we see that a happy marital relationship results when one of the partners surrender to the other’s ego. Do you think this is how it should be? Especially since it is most often the woman that surrenders to the man, or more generally to the patriarchal system?

MARGARET: That not for me   surrender your interests , your hopes,  but lots of women do sacrifice like that   is all dependson circumstances.. if she feel her partner loves her  and never let her down  she would help him to go up in account of her own interests

Songsoptok: Tolstoi said in his story THE KREUTZER SONATA “... a marriage without love is no marriage at all, that only love sanctifies marriage, and that the only true marriage is that sanctified by love”. We all agree that this is how it should be. That there should not be a tragic end to any marriage. What is the reason then for the increasing number of divorces in all societies?

MARGARET: I think the reason is that lots of women make more money than their spouses  and thus feel that they have more voice in matters  then  financial constrains  and desire  to try what out there  maybe there better partner   That goes for men and for women

Songsoptok: By the word ‘marriage’ we generally think of a well defined relationship built on the tenet of spending the entire life together. Do you think that this in itself creates a type of suffocation which leads to break-ups and divorces?

MARGARET: I think big % of men think this way.. But if there truly love  and partners equal in choices  then they do not feel like it  and suffer without  each other company.. Marriage without love is union of 2 friends  with mutual interests

Songsoptok:  In a very general way, marriage is understood as the cohabitation of man and woman with a view to reproduction. Can this narrow and very physical dimension be the essence of marriage? Doesn’t the success of marriage depends also on a communion between the personality, psychology and above all the soul of the married couple? What is your opinion? Do you think that in modern society such a definition of marriage is relevant and realistic?

MARGARET: We have to consider all factors   is combination of things . Some couples cannot have children For me is total nonsense.. people live together cause they love  and need each other company   and if both agree  to have child  so better for it  .. no everyone want children

Songsoptok: It seems that in today’s society the clash of personalities, especially within marriage, is an unpleasant reality. Almost 100 years back, D.H.Lawrence said in Lady Chatterley's Lover “The modern cult of personality is excellent for friendship between sexes, and fatal for marriage”. In other words, he thought that the development of woman’s personality is actually a hindrance to successful marriage. What is your opinion? Do you think that it is the inability of the patriarchal society to tolerate the independence of women the main reason for the marital conflicts in today’s society?

MARGARET: I absolutely in agreement.. From my personal experience   my ex  was reared in such way .. not letting me go to work , afraid that my independence will lead to his loss of power over me..  but woman is not commodity   she is equal to man  and only weak man would be afraid of such thing

Songsoptok: Do you think that society perceives a divorced man and woman in the same way? Most of the time we see that the woman is blamed for not making the necessary compromises. So the implicit assumption is that the success of a marriage is directly related to the woman’s capacity to compromise. What is you view?

MARGARET: Again depends which country  but lots of people still think old fashioned  way  that woman is to blame  what if man drunk, violent or womanizer   or abuser   .. the blame aalso should be on men

Songsoptok: Do you think that divorce affects the conscious and the subconscious of the children? What, according to you, could be the effect of a divorce in their adult lives, positive or negative?

MARGARET: Yes it does.. it might damage perception of child and grown into adult reject marriage per se  been a witness of scandals  and violence and hate.. it might come much later in life  of been abusive towards his or her own partner or child

Songsoptok: What according to you could be the impact of the growing number of divorces on the next generations? Or do you think this is the way tomorrow’s society will evolve?

MARGARET: People don’t regard marriage as before  you don’t have to marry if you don’t want  and be free to change partners   be free   that kinda regard exist now   times changed  we not going back.. people don’t live together just cause sake of children or strange customs

MARGARET GUDKOV: POET


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