Songsoptok
TALKING WITH ANTORA
GENERATION GAP IN THE AGE OF
GLOBALISATION
SONGSOPTOK: To which
generation do you belong? To which generations do the members of your immediate
family belong?
ANTORA: Generation X . My immediate family is a perfect mix of Baby
Boomers (Parents), Millenials (Brother) and iGen(my son).
SONGSOPTOK: In your opinion,
is generation gap a myth or a reality? How would you define generation gap?
ANTORA: As the wheel of time turns, people wear many names. We call
them generations. If time is continuous then there is no gap in between.
Generations flow from one to another, along with the lives of all people
flowing through time and regardless of how different it may be, generation
flows through all lives equally. Sometimes the flow take sudden jumps, sharp
turns but the homogeneity is never broken. It carries the fundamental
characteristics of mankind. The gap is a myth or maybe the lack of
understanding of the transformation.
SONGSOPTOK: Have you
personally had problems with your previous generations? In which domains
specifically? How did you react to it then?
ANTORA: Adolescence is the time when the “gap” is prominent. Like all
kids , the growing up years were difficult for me to deal with the previous generation.
Wearing the glasses of newly formed opinions, the previous generation appeared
like aliens. They looked at me as if I had grown two heads and the same feeling
was reciprocated. It was across domains – from wardrobe to friends, from choice
of music to choice of breads – it was omnipresent. There was defiance, protest,
and high pitch drama (with wholehearted cooperation of extreme emotions). I was
no different than any ordinary girl who used to believe that the life had come
to a dead-end with old aliens .
SONGSOPTOK: Have you ever
heard “You won’t understand” from the next generation? Do you remember the
specific situations when you heard it? How do you react? And do you remember saying
the same words to your parents / elders? In what context?
ANTORA: I keep hearing this when my son plays PSP and I just want to
understand the dynamics of the game. To my eight-year old, I appeared somewhat
backdated and had no idea about the video games. First of all, there was a
gender bias (I am still surprised where he learnt it) – “Girls do not play
video games” and then the perfect script “You won’t understand –mom”. I deal
with these things positively (knowing that if I don’t, he would be hurt like me)
- try to learn it in my spare time and make forceful participation. Once I do that,
first there is a blunt denial (Mom – you can’t do it), then a surprise (When
did you learn it?) and finally the acceptance (Come- I will show you). I enjoy
breaking his opinion and reward him with a pleasant surprise .It ensures a
positive outcome between me and my son, which I didn’t have with my parents.
They were afraid of learning or facing challenges with their children, thinking
that it was forbidden in parenting. Over time, I realized that parenting is
never imposing the ideas you hate to believe. When Kids think or say “you wont
understand”, they are not arrogant, they are sad & lonely that they are
incapable of sharing. I felt that helpless every time I told the same to my mom
and dad and every time they thought the other way.
SONGSOPTOK: In a globalized
world all generations dress alike, eat alike, dream alike – is it still
possible for generation gap to exist? Or do the reasons for the famous gap lie
elsewhere?
ANTORA: Thanks to globalization that it took care of the appearance and
habits of generations. Its not really about the “alike-ness” that is to be
considered, although I completely agree that it plays a major role to break the
ice. Me and my grandmother enjoying the same KFC meal without complaining of it
being junk and comparing with the home made dish – is certainly a gap-closer.
It opens several doors of age-old jinx that two generations cannot be friends. The
reason for the famous gap lies in incorrect upbringing. I feel it very
strongly. Handholding the next generation (raising a child) has to be done with
patience and improvisation. It is conveniently ignored by most people who are
either very busy and have no time to think through, or people who are stuck
with conventional parenting. Parenting needs constant improvisation in order to
strike a balance between time and need. There is gap when it comes to lack of
understanding of basics- my previous generations might have used Neem-barks as
toothbrush and the next generation is blessed with angular-bristled NDA
approved toothbrushes – but the basics of dental hygiene remains intact. Kids need
to learn this from a very early age. Patience will help children with logical
understanding – the answers of WHY needs to be as clear as possible to make
them confident in comprehending the concept of time.
SONGSOPTOK: Given that in
this age of connectivity, it is easier for parents or guardians to keep
connected with their children or wards (keep track of their activities through
Face book, Whatsapp or whatever) – also make them aware of their own interests
and individualities - do you think “generation gap” still exists? If yes, why
do you feel so? If no, could you please share with our readers on the ways that
you remain connected and how does that help you overcome the gap.
ANTORA: Connectivity and Communication are two pillars of the bridge
that brings two generations closer. And both needs to be equally strong – else
there would be catastrophe. Parents can be well connected with their children
through gadgets and media – they can even track them. But without an effective
communication, the connectivity will be futile. If parents and children can
talk together, we won’t have as much censorship –as we don’t have to fear. The
parents need to communicate the knowledge (and not delegate to the computer)
and wait till they turn to wisdom. I know families who just text each other on
the updates & whereabouts. They are certainly well connected but the gap
between them is enormous. When the generations allow themselves to communicate,
there is an outcome to every situation despite rejection or disapproval. There
prevails positivity. I talk a lot with my eight –year old. Not mindless rambling,
we have proper conversations. We have a set time after dinner, when we talk
about the happenings of the day. Like two matured individuals, we share our
day’s story. He tells me about his school, his class works, his playmates at
the park, any new word/phrase he has come across- then I probe him about his
mistakes and misdeeds, and I share mine at the same time. If I had unfinished
tasks at work and got scolded by my
boss. We share if we have a rough day and we laugh if there’s something funny.
The conversation varies from 10 minutes to 45 minutes. It’s a time when there
is sharing and learning at both ends. I find it healing and gives a perspective
to teach him some basics. My son knows that if he says the truth, there’s no
beating, and he comes up without any hesitation if he does something wrong.
Guess when you have this confidence, you are sorted.
SONGSOPTOK: What do you
think – is generation gap a gap between two individuals of different age groups
or is it really between two generations across individuals? In this context,
what role can the parents / elders play to bridge the gap if it exists?
ANTORA: Children never fail to imitate elders. Good advice is not
something children look forward to- they need actions. Parents and elders needs
to demonstrate what they are trying to impart as knowledge. Respecting elders
is the basic knowledge – we discriminate when we respect elders at home and be
disrespectful towards elders outside. If you want your child to respect – show
them by doing it yourself in and out . They will automatically pick it up.
However, many individuals in a family confuse a child with opposite
demonstrations. So when it comes to raising a child, either the uniformity
needs to be ensured by the parents, or one has to play dominant in order to make
the child follow him/her. We consider generation gap to be essentially
prevalent in age groups. As a matter of fact, it’s more gender oriented in
Indian society. This widens the gap and creates havoc. “Educate your children to self-control, to the
habit of holding passion and prejudice and evil tendencies subject to an
upright and reasoning will, and you have done much to abolish misery from their
future and crimes from society.” Benjamin Franklin
SONGSOPTOK: Do you ever face
troubles created by generation gap outside your family? Especially in office,
educational institutions, market etc.? How do you react to that?
ANTORA: Honestly I have not faced any instances as of now barring some
free flowing comments from not-so-known people. It gives me good laugh.
SONGSOPTOK: We feel that
generation gap starts creeping in as we age – on one side we try to acquire new
things from changed times and on the other – we try to cling to our own inheritances.
Do you agree? What would be your advice on how one can overcome this
contradiction, if at all?
ANTORA: I agree that we have an irresistible inclination towards our
inheritance and we often associate that with our memories. We tag each one with
a memory and enjoy biting them like stolen chocolate. In order to keep pace
with the changing time – we have to learn to let go of things. It’s hard. It’s
hell difficult because no one wants to let go of a comfortable corner for an
unknown uncertain territory. But that’s
the only way to be close to the time. Try new things , no matter how hard it
is, change is the only constant. Read magazines (you have read enough
classics), get yourself updated on new technology (read the reviews of iphone
6S) – the knowledge will take care of the fear of vagueness. Interact with
people across age – don’t be too conscious – age is just a number. Use social
media to be connected with the world (not only to trace your class V crush),
google things that you don’t know , watch news (not only serials) and drink a
lot of water (it will help to stay fit) .
SONGSOPTOK: Please leave
some parting words for the next generation, your generation and the previous
generation that reflect your thoughts on this topic.
ANTORA: “No matter how much time passes, no matter what takes place in
the interim, there are some things we can never assign to oblivion…” Haruki
Murakami
We might delay but time wont. So respect time and make the best
out of it.
ABOUT YOURSELF: This above all: to thine own self be true….
We sincerely thank you
for your time and hope we shall have your continued support.
Aparajita
Sen
(Editor:
Songsoptok)
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