Is sex a taboo? Or is talking about sex a
taboo? What exactly is a taboo? Why is sex a taboo? Questions galore crowded my
head. Though I knew the answers to all these questions in an amorphous way –
the moment I sat down to write this article – I realized the need for more
knowledge to answer each of the above questions unambiguously. Surely there
must be scholarly, well-researched answers to all these questions! So as we
always do these days – I googled – “Why is sex a taboo?” Google, like the
serious librarians of the days of yore came up with hundreds of thousands of
documents that contained answers to my questions. But lo and behold! The moment
I clicked on a link – a secret agent sitting on my laptop – generated a report
– “You are trying to access a Pornography site. Please contact your webmaster!”
Oh yes! This laptop has been issued to me by
my office. I carry it with me to all parts of the world - to check mails, to
work, to present my work and also write and share photographs from all over the
world with my friends! I was aghast! This report might also go to the Webmaster
– then to my Boss – then to many more “incident managers!” Though I do feel
like laughing while trying to imagine their faces while dealing with this
incident reported against a senior associate – I couldn’t also help sit and
ponder – am I a little embarrassed too?
But why? This is a silly sensing agent that
could not distinguish between a scholarly article and a pornographic site
content – generated this report just because it encountered the word “sex” –
why am I embarrassed about it? Is it because of the word “sex” or “Pornography”
or both? If this is not due to the deep-rooted taboo inside me that says – good
women are not supposed to be discussing sex – or google it – then what is it? This incident added one more question to my
repertoire – are sex and pornography synonymous? Someone somewhere surely thought
so! And thus created this action that would classify any site containing the
word “sex” as a pornographic site!
Coming back to the main track now – via a
circuitous route of accessing scholarly articles on sex through a digital
library, and not Google - I tried to organize my thoughts around a few basic
points. What is a taboo?The dictionary definition of taboo reads as follows: -
“A taboo is a vehement prohibition of an action based on the belief that such
behavior is either too sacred or too accursed for ordinary individuals to
undertake. Such prohibitions are present in virtually all societies.”
So there we are – with clarity on one point!
Taboo is not an inherent belief of a human being – it is an imposed belief – one designed to
intimidate. What is particularly notable are the presence of the terms
“vehement” and “ordinary individuals” – which instantly hint at power,
exploitation and discrimination. So why is it that such a basic and natural act
like sex – which existed in all forms of life much before humans started
walking on this universe – in fact something that is precursor to life itself
and led to the very birth of the human race was subjected to this taboo?
Interestingly, while sex existed forever – humans are the first species in the
line of evolution that associates platonic pleasure to the corporal act of sex.
Romanticism, love and sex are definitely not synonymous – but that they are
deeply intertwined can hardly be denied.
As a matter of fact, it is not only sex;
humans have associated much more purpose to each of these activities than their
basic forms as reflected in earlier beings. Such associations often elevate
many aspects of these tasks from the mundane to exotic.
Thus eating is not only about satisfying
hunger but also about satisfying the taste buds. Eating today is intricately
related to the art of cooking and presentation – thereby making it much more
than the act of ingesting food for survival. Communication is not only about
exchanging information but also about sharing thoughts. Similarly sex to humans
is not only about procreating but also much more – it is about love, fantasy,
enjoyment and also about power and dominance.
As history tells us, at the dawn of
civilization, when social structures were still at their infancy, the act of
sex was not a taboo. It was indeed an eclectic mix of pleasure and instinct –
which satisfied the self and also fulfilled the basic purpose of reproducing to
help in the continuation of the race. However, things changed with time. Curiously
enough, while different societies thrived at different parts of the world with
differing norms and cultures, a common thread that runs across human history is
that of mortification of sex – a byproduct of chaining the free human soul and
turning it into a social object.
Unlike other bodily acts that ended in the
act itself, sex led to procreation. As civilization progressed, the hunting
humans became gatherers and nurturers. Farming became a way of life. With
farming came ownership of land. Groups or herds that shared activities and
produces were precursors to the modern society. Though higher number of
offspring within a group did mean greater number of helping hands, it also
meant sharing of limited resources among larger number of people. With groups also
came the struggle for power. Ownership of land led to ownership of all who
benefitted from the land – and thus gradually the weaker elements of the
society came to be owned by the stronger elements. Women became properties of
men. They kept homes, they bore babies, they reared children and domestic
animals and also entertained their men.
The theory of simple economics soon made it
obvious that there had to be a restriction on the number of children within a
group in order to ensure fair living for all. Each man wanted to restrict the
number of children produced within his territory – and thus laid down
restrictions on the process of giving birth. A restriction on birth obviously
does not extend to the act of sex. Where there exist males and females - sex is
a natural phenomenon. Thus the concept of sex had to be contorted. Sex could be
enjoyed but not lead to precreation. Biologically men controlled the process.
Thus it became a tool for oppression for women – with which the owner could
intimidate the owned. Men sowed the seeds. But the woman gave birth. While the
act of sowing could be a very private affair – the acts of bearing a child and
giving birth were not so. Thus the subject of sex was made into a taboo to
shame the woman – who obviously could not hide the aftereffects of the act of
sex. Thus males continued the act of sex unabashed – it was for the women to
bear the brunt in the form of social stigma, taboo and sometimes ostracization.
Thus women were not treated or taught to be equal partners in sex. Over time
women became objects of desire and playthings in the hands of the
power-yielding female.
Alongside dealing with the process of
civilization, colonization and refinement in life-style, from time immemorial
humans were also plagued by several questions whose answers evaded them.
Mortality and nature’s fury were subjects that they failed to comprehend.
Mortality, though inevitable was disturbing and scary. It was difficult to
reconcile to the fact that one had to leave behind all the hard-earned
treasures – land, wealth, family – and disappear into an unknown space without
any idea of what awaits there. Humans took recourse to spirituality to
understand mortality.
From the dawn of civilization, belief in
super-natural has been the predominant way to deal with any inexplicable
phenomenon and also to face many of life’s hardships with stoicism. In ancient
times, when humans could hardly fight the furies of nature, they took recourse
to worshiping as a medium to appease anything that was unfavorable. It has to
be admitted, that even today, while science has clarified knowledge about
nature to some extent, it has not really been yet able to answer the human
question of “what lies beyond life?” very convincingly. Thus spirituality still
reigns supreme while humans try to deal with their mortality. Spirituality
leads to condoning of anything that gives pleasure. It has been observed across
all societies that growing rise of spirituality invariably leads to
stigmatization of sex.
According to social scientists, making the
subject of sex a taboo was the easiest way to restrain people from indulging in
sex. But then a natural phenomenon like sex can be hardly suppressed
forcefully. Forbidden things are also more alluring – both for men and women.
Thus while sex flourished – discussing or accepting sex as a natural phenomenon
was forbidden – thereby converting sex into a universal taboo. In India and
other countries where young widows were not permitted to remarry became regular
victims of this taboo. Minor girls all over the world who knew nothing about
the act of sex have been victims of this taboo. Even young boys growing up in
orphanages worldwide have been victims of this taboo. Society did not give them
a chance to present their cases as a victim even when violated.
All this while artists universally
celebrated sex. The human body has been the muse for artists of all ages, all
places. But while art celebrated the exotica of sex, sex itself gradually
became an object of taboo. In medieval India, this had a very interesting
manifestation. The obsession with sex was captured in stone sculptures – the
act of sex became frozen poetry in blocks of stones in the hands of sculpting
artists. Eroticism on stone adorned the outer walls of temples. The believers
were to see these, experience their sexual arousal and when satiated leave them
outside and then proceed to the sanctum sanctorium to meet the Supreme Being. I
am not sure whether such depictions helped the believers, but these works of
art have definitely enriched our culture. Moreover, it is an open submission to
the fact that sex and thoughts of sex were rampant and hence the need to eschew
them in the name of spirituality.
Restrictions on sex invariably led to rape –
very often by insiders – with women playing the roles of silent victims. Being
raped or violated was not to be talked about – they were skeletons that were to
be locked behind public view. As if being raped was not enough, the burden of
guilt also had to be borne by the women. A very circuitous logic was and is
perhaps still played very subtly by the social heavyweights while dealing with
rape. Women are held responsible for inviting this forbidden act of sex that
has been perpetrated on them – by “attracting” the males towards them – be it
by their “reckless” dressing, be it by their attitude or be it by the simple
fact that the victim happened to be a woman. Most sex-crimes have thus always
been double-edged swords for women. Being a taboo – women are not even supposed
to be talking or complaining against the crime – rather accept it as their
fault with shame and humiliation. Society has never encouraged women to stand
up against this heinous crime – rather let it flourish with indulgence. Rape
has become a vent for all kinds of male frustration – not only related to sex –
and the women bear the brunt of it.
It is only fair to say that women themselves
have also played their roles in handing down these taboos to the next
generation of girls very successfully. For centuries, women have believed and
still try to propagate the belief to the next generation that ignorance and
submission are the keys to a happy life. While this debate invariably leads to
another man versus woman controversies – it is better to admit that women have
to accept their own roles in keeping alive the taboo around sex and atone for
their sins by understanding the roles that they should play in future.
Thankfully, times change. In the Western
world, where individuality was embraced earlier – individual’s choices hailed
over social norms and practices. Thus women started having a greater say in the
acts of sex. Age-old taboos do not erase in a day or a year – it takes ages to
wipe them out. But the process has definitely begun. Since sex-related taboos
were a manifestation of several other processes of exploitation of the weak by
the powerful – there are other barriers like financial equality, social
equality etc. which are also to be achieved before sex becomes completely free
from the shackles of taboo.
The advancement of medical science and
technology has also obviously played a great role in erasing the taboo of sex.
Contraception techniques, though not favored by religious sects, who prefer to
hold their forte by instilling into the minds of the believer the fear of God,
has definitely played a big role in this. Reining pregnancy under control has
given more power to the women. With female contraception methods becoming
mature, painless and available easily – women are at last in control over their
own bodies. The enjoyment of sex now does not come with the additional fear of
earning the wrath of society for enjoying sex with partners who are not
socially sanctioned.
Thus we see the walls of this taboo breaking
away.
The urge to have sex is as natural as
breathing and eating – dictated by the hormones. Since humans are not animals,
talking freely about sex provides a free and open atmosphere that allows men
and women to treat sex knowledgeably. A known devil is thousand times better
than an unknown devil. Thus educating all and sundry on sex is a must for
demystifying sex and viewing it in its true light. Teenagers today are not as
clueless as their predecessors who so often became hapless victims to
circumstances while experimenting with sex. They are somewhat ready to
communicate about sex with peers. And if not, then also there is the whole web
of knowledge out there with certain disclaimers. Not withstanding the faux pas
faced with my query, I am quite sure that the Internet plays a crucial role
today in debunking myths and also answer questions that humans are still too
embarrassed to ask fellow humans. Following the Internet, all advertising
channels have become bold and are freely advertising contraceptive products and
sex counseling. All these are definitely positive signs - for with information
comes knowledge and with knowledge alone the mind can destroy taboos. Women all
over the world today are much more equipped to fight irrational prejudices
thrust upon them. While the fetters of sex, the primordial taboo still exists
and is still far away from complete eradication – the signs of a new beginning
are clear and definitely raises hope.
References
1. Why is Sex so Taboo – Nathan A. Heflick,
http://www.psychologytoday.com
2. Why is Sex Such a Taboo Subject in
Families – http://www.ldsmag.com
3. Shuster’s Shtick: Why is Sex Taboo? Scott
Shuster, http://scottshuster.blogspot.com
[LIPIKA DEY]
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