SONGSOPTOK: Is the
subject of sex taboo in your own personal family and friends circle? Do you
talk freely about sex with your partner / children / friends? If no, why? If
yes, what exactly do you talk about? Take this as an academic exercise, and do
explain.
NANDITA: In my family
the subject of sex is not taboo altogether, but in my childhood my parents gave
me a rationalised explanation as much they could according to my age and
requirements. At present in my friends circle it is not at all a taboo but
dealt normally without any inhibitions. I do talk freely about sex with my
partner and children as well as I have learnt from my parents. With my partner
I can express my discomfort or likings freely which is understood adequately
and we don't have anything to hide from each other and are quite
comfortable. With my child, during his
growing years, I made it a point to be open minded so that he gets the correct
information and explanation. I never marked the issue as something prohibited.
My child also felt free to ask questions as and when he had his curiosities. I
have also tried to explain being close to the truth so that he is satisfied
with my answers.
SONGSOPTOK: In the society you live in, is
the subject of sex a taboo? If yes, how do you explain it? Is it because of the
religion that is practiced in your country? Or is because of your culture, or
even the beliefs of the political parties in power?
NANDITA: In my
society, the subject is not a taboo but it also not discussed openly and
widely. It depends on the mindset of the people and perception also. I don't
think religion has anything to do with the issue.As I have already told that it
depends on the perception and mindset of the people.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that the society
today is more permissive compared to the time you were growing up? Do you think
it is a good thing? Please let us have your detailed opinion.
NANDITA: Yes, of
course, the present society is more permissive than the one where we were
brought up. It is definitely a good approach but again it has certain demerits
which needs to be addressed. In an open society, children can mix up openly and
without developing any complex about their male/female counterparts. They come
to understand that the difference between male and female is only biological.
But again this has certain limitations. Both girls and boys need to be brought
up as good human beings. Certain values like respect, honour, equality, empathy
should be inculcated in them. These are the basic virtues which binds the
society and shall help the future generation to develop good human values.
Mixing should be free but not without respect. Friendship should be an out and
out equal relationship. Children should be made aware of their equal rights.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that a permissive
society is dangerous for teenagers, both girls and boys? Or is it on the
contrary a good thing since it demystifies sexual acts and makes them look at
it as something mundane and normal? Is that a good or a bad thing?
NANDITA: If the teenage girls and boys have proper parenting
and develop certain disciplines, in their growing years, it becomes easier for
them to draw the line. In that case, they should have enough access with their
parents so that they can share their psychological changes with them. Parents
are always the best guides. Even in a permissive society, parents can guide
their children to act wisely and balance between the good or bad.
SONGSOPTOK: History tells us that sex was not
taboo in ancient societies. What, in your opinion, is the genesis of this
attitude? Do you think that the rise of patriarchal societies all over the
world is the main reason, where man gradually started looking upon the woman as
his own property? Or is it mainly religious, where woman was treated as the
root of all evils?
NANDITA: History tells us that sex was not a taboo in the
ancient society. Both women and men were free to choose their partners. But the
rise of the patriarchal society dominated women and dictated their activities.
Superstitions, rather than religion, played the determining role which forced
women to succumb to a male dominated society. Lack of proper education also
added to the cause. Thus gradually male started dominating the society.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you believe sexual attitudes
and acts to be normal like all other bodily functions or do you think that
there is a special significance to sexual acts? In other words, do sexual acts
need to be couched in special sentiments and sanctified by the institution of
marriage? What is your own experience? What is the experience of people close
to you?
NANDITA: Theoretically, it should be like any other body
functions. But practically it depends upon the mood of the person and mental
attachment with the partner. But I don't think this has to be sanctified by the
institution of marriage. Marriage doesn't give right to a person to use his/
her spouse's body without permission. I know many people around who have overcome
this concept of marriage and they quite enjoy their freedom.Personally, till
date, I didn't feel the need to step outside my marriage.
SONGSOPTOK: In your opinion, does the taboo
about sex give rise to repressive societies where men and women feel obliged to
curb their natural instincts and take recourse to abuse, rape or incest?
NANDITA: The taboo about sex restrict people from proper
understanding of the issue and they develop certain misconceptions. Without
proper guidance they lack adequate feeling as a human being. This in turn
endangers the society and people take recourse to rape, abuse and incest. Media also plays a very negative role here by
constantly harping on the issue. Remake of certain virulent cases and airing
them is one of the most negativity played by the mass media which sensitises
people. Many instances can be cited where the culprits have admitted it.
SONGSOPTOK: This brings us to the issue of
violence against women in different societies, where women and girls are abused
and raped on a regular basis by members of their own families. Do you think
that the taboo about sex is the main reason for such behavior? Would a change
in attitudes actually make a difference to the position of women in such
societies?
NANDITA: Yes, it is. Taboo about sex makes the things worse
and people tend to behave strangely towards something which is supposedly
prohibited. Should there be proper education and guidance, for both men and
women, the society would be a healthy place where there will be equality for
all.
SONGSOPTOK: Have media in general and
Internet in particular played a role in either enhancing or diminishing the
taboo about sex? In what way?
NANDITA: Media and internet definitely have played their
role in diminishing the taboo but in a negative way. If these devices could be
used more constructively, the society would be a better place for the present
generation. They can be used for educating young people thereby eradicating all
misconceptions and establishing equality , sense of respect.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that ultimately sex
is all about power and domination, both for men and women? Why? What is your
personal experience?
NANDITA: Not always. It again depends on the perception of
one individual. Ideally it should be the ultimate bondage between two human
beings who depend both mentally and physically upon each other. It should not
be something which symbolises power. With proper education and understanding,
this could be achieved and which is not at all difficult. This is my personal
opinion.
NANDITA BHATTACHARYA: A teacher at Patha Bhavan school, Kolkata. She did her Master's from
Jadavpur University in Comparative Literature. She is interested in reading
anything and everything and sometimes she
does scribble her own thoughts.
We sincerely thank you for your time and hope
we shall have your continued support.
Aparajita Sen
(EDITOR)
Songsoptok
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