The Unfamiliar Hangover
Wine and men are all I need to keep my primordial animal instincts satiated. There is no line when it comes to lust coupled with mutual intellectual masturbations, or that is what I believed. But I have come to revaluate it in the past few days. It is not a linear observation or conclusion. It has a huge baggage. Since love became a business and people became commodities, intimacy died. All that remains are machines with names and veins who reproduce in order for the elite to be able to survive and live on guccis, zaras and vichy. Nobody is in love, which in itself has become a myth akin to the great Hindu epics.
If you have ever thought about having a relationship without expectations, only for a few months for great sex, I am sorry to say but you are suffering from an acute case of victimisation by capitalism. There is no cure or control to this. So go on a fucking spree and taste every ambrosia and semen that is available to you!
I used to suffer from this as well but I can very firmly assume that I am cured now because of the awesome experience of multiple orgasms with men who I was attracted to intellectually, because of their characters, personalities, words, and not biceps and colour and waxed chest. So those are the wine and men that I speak of in the beginning. I was of the opinion that sapiosexuality has a boundary. But I was wrong.
A couple of months ago, a middle aged man turned up on my door, drunk and upset because he had bribed a judge to acquit his nephew who had been framed in a false rape case. He abused the system and ordered me to come for a drink with him. I agreed. We went out, purchased a bottle of wine and I drank a bit. I was confused as to why he came to me. I am a woman in my early twenties..I just kept wondering the entire night, why he came to me!
The next time we met, I was not wearing a bra, was in shorts made out of cutting an old jeans and a t shirt. He was drunk and upset about the stages of life and how worn out he was. He took me out for a drink, again. I told him I was hungry and had not eaten anything. Destiny, life, universe…call it whatever..the guy took me a very expensive Pakistani restaurant in hauz khas where a sufi concert was happening that evening. We kept drinking. I finished 2 bottles of white wine and he kept drinking vodka. He passed out and I sat there singing with the sufi singer for a long time. We paid the bill and went out.
He had to drive me to my accommodation but he drove me to Noida because we forgot the way. We had no idea where we were headed to because we were so drunk. If I may be honest here, I thought we would meet with an accident and I was fine with it. Society had tortured both of us so much that we were not scared of death. He stopped the car, somewhere near lajpat nagar. He climbed onto my body and started kissing me and pistoning. I couldn’t breathe but I was loving it. I, suddenly came to my senses and pushed him away and walked out of the car. He followed me and hugged me tight and then dropped me home. I never had such an amazing hangover that I had the next morning. I was enjoying the pain.
Whatever it was, we both knew it was wrong. He was married, had a kid and I was in a relationship with someone for the past 4 years. But nonetheless, once the soul gets committed to another soul, you cannot help it. The society’s morals can then offcourse screw themselves. We met again. This time he bought a bottle of red wine. I hated red wine, but with him, I drank the entire bottle. I felt so free, so protected, so lusty, so loved. We drove across to another city to purchase wine because it was a dry day in Delhi. We bought more wine. And got so drunk, yet again and did not know where we were headed. He took me to the Leela Palace, one of the biggest and the most expensive five stars in Delhi. We stayed there all night, we made love all night, we fell in love all night, we rose in love all night, he ravaged me with love all night, and I loved to be his slave all night.
The next morning was perhaps the most awkward morning in our entire lives! He asked me if what we were doing was correct. I told him I did not know but until we know, we should keep doing it. It was giving me freedom.
And in less than a week, we met again. He had managed to conquer my thoughts even though I tried my best to not let it happen. But this time, I was the one who spoke. We got drunk (that now goes without saying, I suppose). He drove me across the state to Haryana and I told him the darkest secrets of my life. I shouted, he shouted back at me, but I was obeying him. I knew I was in love with his guy but how and why and till what end? I did not even know if he loved me.
I cried all night and because of him and his vibes, I decided to kill my past. I can still recall my shouts and the pain and I don’t ever want to go through it. So I drank again, last time with this baggage. I love him. I do not know if I helped him anyway other than listening to him…but he is the reason why I am ready to start a new chapter in my life. That guy was my closest kin.
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