Let us start from the premise that sex is indeed a taboo in
almost all human societies. In her cover story Lipika Dey talks about the
evolution of human society and how gradually sex became a taboo almost in every
human society. I shall not therefore go into that again. In this article I want to ask two basic questions – why are we so
bothered about this particular taboo while a host of others exist in the modern
society and what would be the possible result if sex wasn’t a taboo.
Taboos vary from one society to another, often originating from
the religion practiced – beef is taboo to Hindus, pork to Muslims, pork and
shellfish to Jews. The way the food is prepared plays a vital role too – halal
meat for Muslims, kosher food for Jews. These are probably the simplest ones,
though in modern day society it sometimes becomes difficult to understand why
such taboos are perpetuated and with so much violence, sometimes leading to
lynching and death as was the case in India not so long ago.
Then there are certain taboos that can be considered universal,
resulting, I think, from what can broadly be termed as basic human perception
of good and evil. Here I use the definition of taboo in its broadest sense – ‘a
social or religious custom prohibiting or restricting a particular practice…’
In this sense, certain things are taboo in almost all human societies – murder,
adultery, matricide, patricide, pedophilia, incest… It is interesting to note,
however, that incest was largely accepted and widely practiced in ancient Egypt
and not unknown in ancient Greece; pedophilia in ancient Greece was very
common, often deriving from the concept of platonic love, involving both girls
and boys. Over time, as the dangers of co-sanguinity started becoming evident,
incest was proscribed by almost all societies. The history of pedophilia is
more complex, but I shall not attempt to deal with it in this article.
Another category of taboos, present in all societies in varying
degrees, is related to our bodily functions that today includes defecation,
flatulence, urination and anything to do with our genital organs. We avoid
talking about these unless totally necessary, during a medical checkup, for
instance, and even then with a lot of difficulty. Our forefathers were probably
less sensitive than we are, but the taboo was always there, particularly for
women. But the taboo that has existed throughout ages and in almost all
societies is menstruation. It seems that humans, both men and women, were
totally in awe of this natural manifestation that heralded the magic of
sexuality and birth in women. Girls changed to women almost overnight, and with
that came the power they could wield over men, if allowed. Ancient man feared
nature, unable to control the natural phenomena and disasters. In the same way,
they were somewhat afraid of this manifestation of the reproductive forces
through women. In many ancient societies, women were separated from the rest of
the household during this period – the practice still continues in some tribal
societies today. I think that the taboo relating to sex started the day when
man fully realized the power of women – the power to give birth that ensured
the continuity of the male blood line. A continuity that ensured right to land,
goods and property rights from one generation to the next. Maybe that is when
the idea of sanctifying sexual relationships and resulting births through
marriage took root in human psyche. Menstruation, however, remains a taboo even
today, with women trying to hide the fact from everyone, aided and abetted by
millions of advertisers who ‘help’ women to face the discomfort and the shame
by using miraculous products.
Another notable example of taboo that have spilled a lot of ink
in all sorts of media also have to do with the natural bodily function – that
of breast feeding infants either in public or in the presence of other
children. I find this extremely interesting – it is totally acceptable in a so
called repressive society like India but seems to be inadmissible in western
societies like Great Britain. Feeding mothers are considered to be aberrance
while there seem to be no outrage about the practically non-existent clothing
favored by a large number of women in the same country. Try as I might, I have
not been able to understand this particular instance of prudish behavior –
after all, what can be more beautiful than a mother feeding her child? A lot of
British citizens are amazed by the free and easy attitude in other European
countries where no such taboo exists.
The third category of taboos, almost universal too, is directly
related to sexual behavior and sexual preferences. As the human society became
more and more civilized and normative, as man started decreeing what was good
and fruitful for society and organized religion, different types of social and
religious norms were implemented and often imposed. Thus it was deemed unfit
that men and women should have sexual pleasure that was not directed towards
procreation. Anything else was ‘unnatural sex’. Masturbation, homosexuality,
and any relationship outside the institution of marriage became totally taboo,
and has not changed that much in spite of growing tolerance in many societies.
The courtesans, who played an important role in ancient and not so ancient
societies, not only for satiating male or female sexual desire but also for
upholding a certain type of culture where men and women were almost equal – be
it in the arts, poetry, music and more recently, political intrigues, were
relegated to the role of prostitutes, living on the fringes of society. As the
social norms became more and more strict, the status and condition of women who
did not have male protectors – fathers, brothers or husbands, became
increasingly precarious. Easy prey to their own natural instincts and the lust
of men, which thrived in spite or maybe because of the increasingly
strait laced societies, these ‘fallen’ women lived a life of shame and poverty
in almost all societies across the world.
As human societies prospered and progressed, so did the quest
for happiness and normality in men and women. The majority followed the
prescribed path and any deviation was regarded as abnormal and suspect. A
subliminal witch hunt was underway almost everywhere, and those found deviant
were hounded and punished mercilessly, either by law or by the society itself.
Homosexuality was decreed as a crime in a lot of western societies. Abortion
was illegal, and scores of women died in the hands of quacks trying to get rid
of a child conceived outside wedlock. Mental illnesses were taboo as well – the
unfortunate patients kept hidden and sometimes in captivity, without proper
medical care by their own families. The mental asylums, considered as last
resorts, were often worse than prisons in their indifference and brutality to
the patients. This state of affairs continued well into the first part of the
20th century, and the vestiges remain even today. How many women
have the courage to talk openly about an abortion, unless it was for a medical
reason? How many people own up to having a serious mental illness, either for
themselves or for any member of the close family? What is our usual reaction to
a suicide, for instance, decreed to be the ultimate sin? Horror and judgment,
before and above all, which may or may not be followed by pity and sadness.
These are the social taboos that we have inherited, that rage unabated within
us and in the societies we live in.
Yes, society is becoming more and more tolerant. We have learnt
to use politically correct language for softening the impact of each taboo. We
still have difficulty in accepting everything that is ‘abnormal’ - physical
deficiencies, mixed race couples, unwed mothers, same sex couples, transsexuals
– to name but a few. It is far easier for us to close our eyes to domestic and
conjugal violence, child abuse and other heinous crimes as long as they take
place within the ‘normal’ family. We have learnt not to talk about racism,
though it is blatantly present at all levels of the society. We don’t talk
about slavery anymore either, or of colonization or white supremacy or the
master race – these are our new taboos, designed to highlight our tolerance and
in the process suppress an important part of human history.
Which begs the question, why is sexual taboo considered to be so
important? Why is this more important than the other taboos that I have
described above? Is it because the topics of sex, pornography, adultery, rape,
incest etc. are more salacious than others? Or is it because it is really of
primordial interest for the progress of human society? Or is it because this
category is the ultimate weapon to preserve male dominance and perpetuate the
patriarchal society?
Let us imagine for a moment that tomorrow, by some miracle,
sexual taboos disappear. What would be the consequences? Will the entire social
order, as we see it today, collapse? Will men and women give free reign to
their sexual impulses irrespective of consequences? Will the institution of
marriage disappear? Will the world population suddenly explode as sexual
relationships, free from the stamp of shame and guilt, become ubiquitous? Will men
and women fight and destroy each other trying to control the already rapidly
diminishing natural resources? Will civilizations disappear as a result of this
merciless war for survival? Will this be the apocalypse?
Or can we imagine an alternative scenario where sex and sexual
relationships, free for ever from all misconceptions and taboos, will actually
liberate men and women from preconceived notions and inherited prejudices and
make them celebrate this primordial instinct? A society where men and women will
play an equal role in all their choices, including all sexual relationships?
Where sexual domination will not be used as the most effective means for
subjugating women and erase forever the ‘second sex’ label? Where all sexual
preferences will be respected without any prior judgment? A society where
mothers will not kill the female fetus because girl children are considered
unwelcome, will bring them up with equal care and commitment as the male
children? Where young girls will not be sold by their own families to satisfy
the male lust, used and abused till they prefer to take their lives? Where the
sex ratios in emerging countries will not be so skewed that young men have to
fight for women like in the ancient days? Where young boys, educated and brought
up in the same way as their sisters, will grow up treating women as their
equals and not as an inferior and weaker race that requires protection and
hence domination? A society devoid of sexual repression that will not require
the satisfaction of sexual urges by abusing children, family members or even
total strangers? Will men and women, totally aware of the consequences of
sexual intercourse and equal participants in the choice, procreate only when
they want to, ensuring generations of healthy and wanted children? Will the new
social and religious social norms finally make our societies equal and all
encompassing?
Being the eternal optimist, I would definitely prefer the rather
utopic second scenario, although it will not happen in a day, maybe not even in
a century. Given the current level of intolerance rampant all over the world in
all spheres of life – be it religious, cultural, social, political or economic,
the vision is indeed utopic. But I firmly believe that somehow a utopia is
sometimes necessary to stimulate the good that resides in each of us, to dispel
the evil forces. I can feel the winds of change, though it is not more than a
timid breeze right now. For the sake of our children and our future
generations, I can only hope that it will gather force and sweep the dark
clouds away before long.
[APARAJITA SEN]
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