SONGSOPTOK: Is the subject of sex taboo in your own personal
family and friends circle? Do you talk freely about sex with your partner /
children / friends? If no, why? If yes, what exactly do you talk about? Take
this as an academic exercise, and do explain.
SUNIL: In any society suffering a Victorian hangover in
the new millennium, sex is perceived a cultural taboo. A contradiction of
sorts. In market economy, when porn is
available online and marketing/selling sexualized, and fashion and
mainstream TV and cinema eroticised, this comes as a something odd. In present,
traces of past linger. With adult and
bold content circulating freely in the
cyberspace and teens’s easy access access to
such a digital erotica on smart phones,
the very notion of treating sex as taboo loses its meaning. Middle-class
India is no different. We might love the subject but hesitate to discuss it
freely in familiar/familial settings for the sake of propriety. Even USA is no
exception. It is a no-discussion topic or, at least, not a regular dinner-table
point for family talk. I call it the great contradiction of the globalised
world. It is there; yet, not there. With partners also, such a talk as an
educational aid or stimulant is sorely missing in bedrooms of the high-rises.
As compared with middle-class stiffness, low-income families are known to be
more forthright. Fact remains despite the popularity of the F-word in public
speech as an inoffensive word, we know little about its real process; the joy
and pain of the coitus, its celebration
and denouncement; its reproductive and aesthetic roles in human civilization..
Although not an expert or historian documenting the mores, I share my
observations as a keen observer of human scene . We lead a sanitised family
life and ignore such a basic instinct for
preservation and reproduction of the race. We are hypocrites and
continue to function as the Victorian offspring---kind of anachronism. The
subject makes us collectively uncomfortable. The general ignorance is shocking.
It leads to the thriving sex industry led by charlatans posing as
professionals. In a cutting-edge culture and info overload, this blanking out
of a healthy discussion is regretable. Sex education is as crucial as the
general one. The society has to move out of such a mindset for a scientific
understanding and awareness of this primordial urge.
SONGSOPTOK: In the society you live in, is the subject of sex a taboo? If yes, how do
you explain it? Is it because of the religion that is practiced in your
country? Or is because of your culture, or even the beliefs of the political
parties in power?
SUNIL: Already explained. Religion is a body of rites only. In the Hindu religion, I do not find any such caveat.
Political parties cannot impose their moral order on a pluralistic polity for
long. All these are individual choices. Each has to eat the forbidden fruit and
discover the results thereafter. More something as a taboo, more chances of its discovery by the curious. So,
any state, political, religious policing is bound to fail.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that the society today is more permissive compared to the
time you were growing up? Do you think it is a good thing? Please let us have
your detailed opinion.
SUNIL: If you inherit a consumerist culture where spending
and pleasure are valorized, such permissiveness is bound to be there only. In a
commoditized culture, everything is for sale. For some, it is a way of life;
for some, perhaps, an extravaganza. So such binaries are to be there and frugal
vs. permissiveness debate to be continual. A lot depends on the individual and
their value-system. Restraint or indulgence? That is the moral dilemma. Each generation
pontificates and assumes holier-than-thou attitude. Fact remains, such
practices prevail in every generation. Scales might vary.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that a permissive society is dangerous for teenagers, both
girls and boys? Or is it on the contrary a good thing since it demystifies
sexual acts and makes them look at it as something mundane and normal? Is that
a good or a bad thing?
SUNIL: Anything
excessive is bad. Any indulgence. In open societies, teen pregnancies; and
casual, unprotected sex are worrisome trends. Single mothers are end product of
such societies. Divorce rates are rising. Dysfunctional family and crime are
other fallout. Some restraint or control by self is imperative for any society
that claims to be ethical and empathic.
SONGSOPTOK: History tells us that sex was not taboo in ancient societies. What, in
your opinion, is the genesis of this attitude? Do you think that the rise of
patriarchal societies all over the world is the main reason, where man
gradually started looking upon the woman as his own property? Or is it mainly
religious, where woman was treated as the root of all evils?
SUNIL: Our forefathers were open in such matters. They
celebrated body and its functions. Later on, the state apparatuses like church
and clergy came to impose a monochromatic and sterner view and lifestyle over
the cowering populace. Capitalism and patriarchy exercised greater control over
women. Religion as an ideology was pressed into service by the ideologues for
such a worldview.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you believe sexual attitudes and acts to be normal like all other
bodily functions or do you think that there is a special significance to sexual
acts? In other words, do sexual acts need to be couched in special sentiments
and sanctified by the institution of marriage? What is your own experience?
What is the experience of people close to you?
SUNIL: As said earlier, it is normal and should not be
proscribed. In India, in certain communities, puberty among young females is
cause for joy and celebration. It indicates life force. Hence, the sacred rites
in early forms of society. Marriage is beyond sex. It is scared. That is why in
every culture, state and religious sanctions are attached to marriage as a
practice. If trifled, it is bound to disintegrate. The figure of the Kamadeva
underlines the role of sex in human civilization. It is a union of bodies and
soul, not mere crude coupling.
SONGSOPTOK: In your opinion, does the taboo about sex give rise to repressive
societies where men and women feel obliged to curb their natural instincts and
take recourse to abuse, rape or incest?
SUNIL: This is untenable view. In primitive or tribal
societies, rapes are are. These things happen in dysfunctional societies where
hedonism is supreme value and law is lax. A culture lacking high moral order.
Where predators roam freely. Where justice system falters and fails to deliver.
Where everybody is disposable, expendable. The weak are then assaulted.
SONGSOPTOK: This brings us to the issue of violence against women in different
societies, where women and girls are abused and raped on a regular basis by
members of their own families. Do you think that the taboo about sex is the
main reason for such behavior? Would a change in attitudes actually make a
difference to the position of women in such societies?
SUNIL: In a culture of objectification, you have to stop
such a process, perception, labeling. If moral order collapses and community
sheds its feelings for empathy and shock, and, becomes shameless, such crimes
go on. Change the law. The ways of seeing and feeling. Treat women healthily.
Make rape punishable as a heinous crime or murder. Incest is abhorrent. Even
beasts do not do that. More empowerment of women is required. We have to be
pro-active.
SONGSOPTOK: Have media in general and Internet in particular played a role in either
enhancing or diminishing the taboo about sex? In what way?
SUNIL: In our society, the globalised one, there is no
taboo left. Criminals are not afraid. Morality is gone. Sex sells. You have to
find out a different moral order, different ethics---and a punitive system
geared to meet such a shameless society. Internet circulates the content only.
It is humans that make such content. Choices must begin with us.
SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that ultimately sex is all about power and domination, both
for men and women? Why? What is your personal experience?
SUNIL: In a way. Foucault has amply demonstrated that.
Family is a replica of the society, of the power pyramid. Women and kids are
the subalterns. It is pervasive---in office, home, public spaces, media. Once
you realize this, in personal life, you tend to be respectful and better.
Mumbai-based, Sunil
Sharma writes prose and poetry, apart from doing literary journalism and
freelancing. A senior academic, he has been published in some of the
leading international journals and anthologies. Sunil has got three collections
of poetry, one collection of short fiction, one novel and co-edited five books
of poetry, short fiction and literary criticism. Recipient of the
UK-based Destiny Poets’ inaugural Poet of the Year award---2012. Another
notable achievement is his select poems were published in the
prestigious UN project: Happiness: The Delight-Tree-2015. He edits English
section of the monthly Setu, a bilingual journal from Pittsburgh, USA:
We sincerely
thank you for your time and hope we shall have your continued support.
Aparajita
Sen
(EDITOR)
Songsoptok
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