SONGSOPTOK:Is the subject of sex taboo in
your own personal family and friends circle? Do you talk freely about sex with
your partner / children / friends? If no, why? If yes, what exactly do you talk
about? Take this as an academic exercise, and do explain.
JAYA: I don’t call it taboo but there is some distinct
limitation while talking with elders and juniors. With my partner of course I
talk about it. Well with your companion you need to be open, otherwise the
sexual interaction can’t be healthy and pleasurable. And also if there is any
problem regarding mental or physical condition which might be hampering that
particular situation, you need to share it with your partner.
SONGSOPTOK:In the society you live in, is
the subject of sex a taboo? If yes, how do you explain it? Is it because of the
religion that is practiced in your country? Or is because of your culture, or
even the beliefs of the political parties in power?
JAYA: We often
regret that earlier Sex was a taboo in the society but now it is not. I don’t
agree with this view totally. In the enlightened families you may see family
members talking or expressing themselves freely but for a large part of the
society it is not the same. And moreover even if it is discussed, it is among only
men or only women. An open discussion among men and women is not much indulged in
as yet. You can discuss about thieves, dacoits, drug dealers, politicians but
not sex, because sex ix bad. Sex is crime, while others are not. Look, sex is a physical organ primarily and
secondarily an idea of adulthood. Now neither religion nor the politicians want
adult people, they always like to swim in the minor’s sea. So we should not talk
about them. But in the name of Culture we try to uphold this taboo even today.
They say sex is for progeny. As if for progeny you should not enjoy the sexual
interaction! This is funny and a huge hypocrisy of our society. “Man is a
rational ANIMAL” this widely used coinage shows us the ANIMAL part, which is
ignored cunningly in the name of Culture.
SONGSOPTOK:Do you think that the society
today is more permissive compared to the time you were growing up? Do you think
it is a good thing? Please let us have your detailed opinion.
JAYA: Society is always
liberal for males. For them everything is acceptable. In my growing period we
also talked among our girl friends or in a very intimate circle, but never with
family members or male friends. Nowadays some girls talk about sex freely but they
are marked as “different”, not quite normal. I think it should be discussed
freely but with a distinct “value”. By maintaining a border line of respect
with our elders or the opposite sex, people can discuss everything under the
sun, why not sex?
SONGSOPTOK:Do you think that a permissive
society is dangerous for teenagers, both girls and boys? Or is it on the
contrary a good thing since it demystifies sexual acts and makes them look at
it as something mundane and normal? Is that a good or a bad thing?
JAYA: The term “Permissive
society” means what? Permission for having sex before adulthood or a fair
knowledge about sex? Adolescence is really a difficult time for men women both.
This is the time when they discover their body little by little. Absolute
permission is not wise decision, I think. The boy or girl is on a track of
learning and proper sex is mostly enjoyed when the relevant persons have mature
body and mind . Maturity cannot come fully at the age of puberty. So then their
guardians should talk to them freely about it, its danger, its advantages etc.
If you suppress a thing your curiosity will increase manifold and then there
may come any fatal end. And yes free sex demystifies the myth of sex
definitely.
SONGSOPTOK:History tells us that sex was not
taboo in ancient societies. What, in your opinion, is the genesis of this
attitude? Do you think that the rise of patriarchal societies all over the
world is the main reason, where man gradually started looking upon the woman as
his own property? Or is it mainly religious, where woman was treated as the
root of all evils?
JAYA: It is a
reality that women’s body is basically different, where sex without protection can
increase the child mother ratio among girl children. Forget about the religion
or the patriarchal society, it is for the safety of the female adolescents’
free sex should not be encouraged. And for the male adolescents neither. Their
bodies and minds are also in the process of development then. For a healthier
future generation some restriction should be there, although free discussion is
very important.
SONGSOPTOK:Do you believe sexual attitudes
and acts to be normal like all other bodily functions or do you think that
there is a special significance to sexual acts? In other words, do sexual acts
need to be couched in special sentiments and sanctified by the institution of
marriage? What is your own experience? What is the experience of people close
to you?
JAYA: Sex is a
bodily function only for reproduction, but for proper enjoyment, the emotional
part is very important. So marriage is important for progeny. We all know that the
organized SOCIETY is ruthless for case of children out of wedlock. So from that
point of view it is a necessity, but we cannot equate that with SANTIFICATION. It
is just to avoid the social pressure. But I think if two bodies and minds want
each other and if morality permits ( I mean no cheating on any third party)
then sex is absolute necessary and welcome. Not only me but a lot of people around
me also experience this social hypocrisy. In India a large part of population
faces it. The society forces people to act hypocritically so that people go for
marriage without loving each other just for the act of procreation and thus sex.
And that’s why after few years one of the most important activities of life
becomes lifeless.
SONGSOPTOK:In your opinion, does the taboo
about sex give rise to repressive societies where men and women feel obliged to
curb their natural instincts and take recourse to abuse, rape or incest?
JAYA: Partially
yes. I do agree with this opinion. Over repression and secrecy about sex gives rise
to complexity. But not all of us teach our children properly. We indulge our
boys to do anything without having a minimum responsibility towards society.
And our girls get over panicky about it, which welcomes abuse, rape or incest.
SONGSOPTOK:This brings us to the issue of
violence against women in different societies, where women and girls are abused
and raped on a regular basis by members of their own families. Do you think
that the taboo about sex is the main reason for such behavior? Would a change
in attitudes actually make a difference to the position of women in such
societies?
JAYA: Our boys
should be trained from a very early age of their life that EVERYBODY is equal.
It’s never like SOME MEN ARE MORE EQUAL THAN OTHERS. All of our men should know
sex is a both way drive. It’s necessary to have permission from your partner
and active participation. If their curiosity is not satisfied through talking
or doing all the things regularly with opposite sex this problem will increase
day by day.
SONGSOPTOK:Have media in general and
Internet in particular played a role in either enhancing or diminishing the
taboo about sex? In what way?
JAYA: Their advertisement
is of very high level. I think at least girls have become more conscious these
days.
SONGSOPTOK:Do you think that ultimately sex
is all about power and domination, both for men and women? Why? What is your
personal experience?
JAYA:: No.
We sincerely thank you for your time and hope
we shall have your continued support.
Aparajita Sen
(EDITOR)
Songsoptok
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