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ANINDA GHOSH

SONGSOPTOK THE WRITERS BLOG | 10/15/2016 |



SONGSOPTOK: Is the subject of sex taboo in your own personal family and friends circle? Do you talk freely about sex with your partner / children / friends? If no, why? If yes, what exactly do you talk about? Take this as an academic exercise, and do explain.

ANINDA: Before I start answering, let me clarify that we are in an Indian society, bound too well by some Hindu orthodox people & like catholic Methodists, for these people too, sex is a taboo, a prohibited doctrine. I cannot ignore that fact. Given that limitation, I always try to overcome this hurdle. I encouraged my wife in her first adult & matured endeavor --her last year’s offering viz 36-32-34. As u can well understand, this is a book, most publishers declined to publish, because it was out n out a book on our sexual overtures. In preamble, she wrote n to her social group n circles across FB, she explained, it was necessary for her to disclose to her daughter, how this world treats d fairer sex. As a male in a dignified post, I have to maintain decorum n cannot openly talk about sex in my circles, but I have seen my wife n her friends talk without any hesitation, obviously within their circles. And FB  has got some hypocritical  moral standards to  uphold….But given that, I feel, we are one of  very few couples  who can talk with their daughter on  abortion, menstruation etc & daughter also advises mom on Preganews, I pill  etc. At least between mom n daughters there have been talks of Condoms etc. I feel, we belong to an enlightened family with liberal mindset.


SONGSOPTOK: In the society you live in, is the subject of sex a taboo? If yes, how do you explain it? Is it because of the religion that is practiced in your country? Or is because of your culture, or even the beliefs of the political parties in power?

ANINDA:  In most countries politicians are hypocrites, If  a candidate loses election  or  suffers  miserably  in US  because of his  bad sexual  overtures or  his  sexually  explicit speeches / behavior, ( Donald  Trump/Bill Clinton) , while d society openly reckons gay marriages , lesbianism &  unchaste  freedom , as also  promotes  nudity in the guise of natural societies,  politics of every country is corrupt.  Especially in Islamic world, sexual crimes happen under veil. So many religious gurus act like bastards as  they  rape  disciples months after months. And so many dads  & bros  rape  daughters n sis year after year… teacher rapes student, uncle rapes  niece &  in laws  in so many  cases are demons,  ….especially  in parts of Haryana, where wives  are bought  from Eastern India to  conjugate with  hubby, bros in law & dad in law  year after year & bear children to all of them, society’s  sexual hypocrisy goes  out in open. In all parts of world, in all religions this may happen.  Many of father figures of society are like this. Especially, the religions of Islam n parts of Hinduism that profess veils. It is a bad sexual hypocrisy of Catholics to put pregnant moms’ lives into danger by not allowing them to abort under any complexity, howsoever great.  Some societies have well risen over religion’s clasp to declare war on taboos, but unhindered open sex is an element of concern there, eg in Finnish countries & d vast nude  beach areas of Spain & Brazil. 


SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that the society today is more permissive compared to the time you were growing up? Do you think it is a good thing? Please let us have your detailed opinion.

ANINDA:  Obviously… Modernization has helped in breaking taboos.  In literature n films of India, sex is an open matter…especially in documentaries &  art films. If u compares languages, Bengali films base themselves more on sex than many other languages. Maybe, because since Renaissance days,  Bengal did not have  any  Sanskrit lineage &  cultural heritage  of 1000s of years &  better adopted  to European culture, Constantinople’s learning  etc. So, Simon d Bevier , Jean Paul Sartre , Baudelaire etc  came  close  to Romantic Bengali hearts , led by  Buddhadev Basu. Even religion is not so important in Bengal. Gradual rise of liberalism in our litera ture, theatre & art films is phenomenal, & thru film societies, more exposure to world’s adult cinemas has happened. Yes, today a child talks more freely on these. Society is more tolerant.    


SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that a permissive society is dangerous for teenagers, both girls and boys? Or is it on the contrary a good thing since it demystifies sexual acts and makes them look at it as something mundane and normal? Is that a good or a bad thing?

ANINDA:  Sex Education is still not open in most curriculums. And still there are taboos n inhibitions. I feel, rapes happen more even now, by people, who are more male chauvinists & patriarchal.  Yes, rapes happen in Canada/ US./UK/Australia.  Because there are exceptions in form of demons.  But overall society is better, more human, more compassionate. Strongly feel, permissive society shall reduce rapes n molestations.


SONGSOPTOK: History tells us that sex was not taboo in ancient societies. What, in your opinion, is the genesis of this attitude? Do you think that the rise of patriarchal societies all over the world is the main reason, where man gradually started looking upon the woman as his own property? Or is it mainly religious, where woman was treated as the root of all evils?

ANINDA:   Manu.  Till Puranas, see Dwapar’s Draupadi, Bichitrabirja/ Vyas & Kunti/ Madri. Sex was open & normal. Urvasi, Rambha etc enjoyed free sex, as also hermits.  Problems erupted as Manu started with subjugation of women & afterwards Muslims invaded & worst customs like Jaharbrata were glorified… Satidaha was glorified. Padmini committed suicide, which was glorified. An open religion of Hinduism was captivated into boundaries, which led to rise of Brahma religion in 19th century. An open society was restrained & women were subjected to bondage like in Islam. The  whole concept  of  vermilion , Sankha, anklets, pola , armlets erupted  from the concept of  chaining a woman ,  do these not look similar to what happen  in BDSM ?  Ajanta Ellora caves’ great paintings were by Buddhist Brahmacharis who were prohibited the company of women for years but who could not win over sexual perversions. It  seems a laughing stock today that  Hindu kings who  created a  history of erection n eroticism across Khajuraho n Konarak  temples  ( & so many  other temples of repute)  was  compelled  to chain up its emotions d Islamic way. It is mostly in Islam that a lady is Her Man’s property & today so many people are attacted to ISIS only because of availability of   sex slaves in plenty. Tribal women are free, even scheduled caste women are mostly free, when compared to higher caste ones. Even Catholic Church could not resist temptation of harnessing women. Constantinople resulted in liberation of humanity n womanhood thru Protestant culture. It was surprising that Che had to satisfy his warriors long bereft of sex, with a flock of lady teacher’s n students, who lost way in d woods n begged refuge. These ladies are known as sex slaves of revolution. Che admitted that war victory immediately after that event largely went to these ladies’ sacrifice of chastity. But largely true communists n revolutionaries believed not in institution of marriage. Because they didn’t have a string of religion to be cringed to…because religion is d root of women atrocities. They are called Kaminis …Ramakrishna ruined d life of his wife Sarada, as did Narendra Modiji.


SONGSOPTOK: Do you believe sexual attitudes and acts to be normal like all other bodily functions or do you think that there is a special significance to sexual acts? In other words, do sexual acts need to be couched in special sentiments and sanctified by the institution of marriage? What is your own experience? What is the experience of people close to you?

ANINDA: I have discussed with my daughter  in detail  d way  Ajijur Rehman & Manideepa Bakshi  lived to gether, the way  in Shivadasa  Bhavan SUCI comrades started community  living…I have told her, that  her mom n dad did not have courage  to disregard  social norms n so had to marry.  She has understood, when 16, that marriage is a bondage created …real thing is understanding… Feudal n hypocritical society’s norms cannot bond a man n a woman for long, so divorces are so rampant. If my daughter loves anybody, like Saratchandra said in Sesh Prashna (The last question), till that love exists, she should cohabit with that guy.  It has started happening in India….it is bad to sustain a relationship only for marital sake, just to prolong such marriage institution. My wife, although liberal in her attire beyond norms n breaking societal barricades, has not come up to live this boldness. Maybe, not my daughter too. But I have faith.  Like her periods & Napkins, I have asked her to unwrap all concepts on lesbianism n homosexuality & gender conversions. I firly believe but I doubt, how many of my friends. I love beef but many do not. I can’t impose.  I feel, Censor board & VHP/ Shivsena / ABVP cannot dictate human affairs including sex, drugs n drinks.


SONGSOPTOK: In your opinion, does the taboo about sex give rise to repressive societies where men and women feel obliged to curb their natural instincts and take recourse to abuse, rape or incest?

ANINDA: I have already said, rapes happen in first world d liberal world. But ladies paying for BDSM is highest therein (50 shades of grey) . They  take courage in winning over d turmoil….our courts  are worse &  more judges than in Canada ask victims  here , why she  did not try to close her legs …D way a rape victim is  subjected to harassments  in police station , medical checkup & court trial well  speak out, why  red light areas thrive in India. True, sin city  exists in EU, but that’s  an extreme…now that  Marhwari  society has opened  up, so many are enjoying with Marhwari girls instead of Bengalee  girls in  night clubs & their visits to Golden Tree  has come down.


SONGSOPTOK: This brings us to the issue of violence against women in different societies, where women and girls are abused and raped on a regular basis by members of their own families. Do you think that the taboo about sex is the main reason for such behavior? Would a change in attitudes actually make a difference to the position of women in such societies?

ANINDA: It is hypocrisy… a karta  of a family of a religious sect  dominate over  women n some weaker men  n manipulate rules, as they do when they kill lovers in d name of goth.  Already I said, girls go depressed to suppress such tortures. One of my daughter’s friends dropped out off class XI just before finals. Why? She went into depression. May be something happened in school / hostel that reminded her of her year’s long sexual torture by her perverted grandpa… This is not dissimilar to what we see in Crime Patrol / Savdhaan India… Marital rape is not reckoned as a crime in India, although decline of sex is. So many  sisters in law , daughters in law, daughters, granddaughters & granddaughters in law & sisters  are suffering silently everyday  in India &  Pak ( Mukhtar  Mai  is a grand example);  even a  woman can be slaughtered in Pak  in the name of upholding family  prestige / dignity &  the culprit shall go scot free , as recently happened  with a fashionista in Pak. 

I  volunteer d cause  of  liberal western dressing of  my wife irrespective of / defying her  age or her  aging factors , as happen in  West &  as is now happening gradually among our  aged gen.  Nowadays, my parents / parents in law are exceptions, who do not come to VIT Vellore to see their granddaughter in traditional ethnic wears . Many of aged grannies   come in Western outfits. This is liberation in concept. If this happens, those hubbies need not go to kepts / prostitutes or   enchanters just for d sake of  pleasure of eyes.


SONGSOPTOK: Have media in general and Internet in particular played a role in either enhancing or diminishing the taboo about sex? In what way?

ANINDA:   Now you do not need blue films, pornographies, chotigolpo books. All are free in Youtube.   So everything is glorified today, among all age groups—males & females--- thru Whatsapp, thru MMSes, thru FB… some posts are deleted by FB…in one minute you can reach world & spread your message to millions.  But that has spread more sex-mania than reduced taboos / created awareness. Sex education has not spread the way it should have; nor are teachers updated to answer queries. At home, they are not at home. 


SONGSOPTOK: Do you think that ultimately sex is all about power and domination, both for men and women? Why? What is your personal experience?

ANINDA:  Sex is d ultimate of love n relationship.  It is for sex that a man n a woman comes together; it is wrong to discriminate what Gandhiji used to practice in life.  Sex was a prime factor & sex is / shall be too. If u r sexy, u get likes more in FB & so many shall like to chat…in fact, obscene proposals are common.  So many great poets offer to elevate small fries if n only if they engage in love / sex with the big shots. Platonic love is there, but mostly it is a utopia.  As long as sexual life is there, love is reverberating , it breathes …  without sex love is scanty &  woman  seeks solace  in a gigolo / other male out of partnership;  male seeks  solace  in 1 night stand / enchanter. So, sex life should be active till  uterus  is active.


ANINDA GHOSH: An ACA of 1990, a poet-writer-  strong BJP critic & a staunch believer in HDI based  economic upliftment and wealth creation of nations . Lives in Karnataka ( last 8 yrs)  &  love art films , little mags, group theatres .

We sincerely thank you for your time and hope we shall have your continued support.
Aparajita Sen
(EDITOR)

 Songsoptok

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