She sat there, pondering the meaning of love. Marie had given so many years of her life to being a good mother and wife at the expense of losing herself. As the kids grew older, they flew the coop and soon it was only her and Russell. Soon that would fall apart and so she flew the coop too.

Shaking her head, Marie looked out over the lake. The water was calm and serene, the tree branches swayed gently in the breeze. Six months ago, Marie woke up one morning thinking that there had to be more to life. She could not remember the last time that she laughed and had been truly happy. Finally, she decided to throw caution to the wind and moved back home to her family and friends who she knew would welcome her with open arms. They loved her for being her.

It had been a long, four day drive. Marie became happy at the familiar landmarks that she passed. Places where she had felt love, loss, excitement and grief. It was nice to see the beautiful fall colors in the trees. This amongst the green grass, water and all the colors she missed while living in the desert for over 20 years.

After a couple errands, she drove to the cemetery to visit her mother. Her grave looked peaceful and well kept. Gosh how she had missed the serenity. "Mom," she said "I am home now, I have missed you so much." Sitting at the foot of her grave, Marie pulled a few weeds as she related her whole story and talked about the places and things that she had seen.

Twenty some years ago, Marie couldn't wait to leave the small town where she grew up in. Soon after her high school graduation, she boarded the bus, anxious for her new life. She would miss her family and friends, but she had to create a life and a career for herself.

All these years later, she had her regrets and was ashamed that she couldn't have been closer to home during the ups and downs. She had married, had 2 children whom she had raised. These years that she had been gone had been filled with life and loss, death and so much more. She had lost all of her grandparents, her parents, her own child and so many friends and other family members but such was life. She learned that no matter what, life goes on.

She was thankful that she had visited her mother and family as much as she could afford.
She realized  now that everything in our lives can become either a good memory or a bad one.

She knew that she had come home to lick her wounds. She always felt such peace here. She hoped to rebuild her life again so she made up her mind to focus on the positive instead of the negative. She would draw this strength not only from herself, but also from those who truly loved her. Now it was time to make up all those years she had lost with her siblings and other Relatives and for this, she could not wait.

Standing up, she took another look at the beauty that surrounded her. Sniffing the air, she finally relaxed. She would be okay now, she knew that.  She felt so much better now after relaying her story to mom.  It was now getting, dark so it was time to leave for now. Blowing a kiss to her mother, she said "I am home now mom, I will survive."

[Sheena Mosier 9/18/2014]


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