Songsoptok: ‘Marriage is a lifelong symphony with one
central theme but the music is played in anew everyday’ – this is a rough
translation of a line from a short story by Rabindranath Tagore. Do you feel
that this comment, made in a period dominated by Victorian romanticism, is true
today?
AGATHE: Oh yes, I think so. Never change
the things of love. Even the 2000years old stories from the old Greeks is as
true as they were in the time, when they are written.
Songsoptok: What, in your
opinion, is the real chemistry of an intimate relationship? Do you think that
the social institution of marriage is based on that chemistry?
AGATHE: Very hard to say. There plays
chemistry in the intimate relationship. But I can not say, if it is real
chemistry nowadays for the institution of marriage.
Songsoptok: What according to you are the main factors for
keeping marital relationship alive and healthy?
AGATHE: Tow thing, in my opinions, are
importuned for keep alive and healthy a marital relationship: 1. To be all the
time in thought – exchange, dialog
2. Never forget the
humor!
Songsoptok: Very often we see that a happy
marital relationship results when one of the partners surrender to the other’s
ego. Do you think this is how it should be? Especially since it is most often
the woman that surrenders to the man, or more generally to the patriarchal
system?
AGATHE: this thought sounds for me very
old-fashioned. For me it seems to be better, when each the other care and try
to understand.
Songsoptok: Tolstoi said in his
story THE KREUTZER SONATA “... a marriage without love is no marriage at all,
that only love sanctifies marriage, and that the only true marriage is that
sanctified by love”. We all agree that this is how it should be. That there
should not be a tragic end to any marriage. What is the reason then for the
increasing number of divorces in all societies?
AGATHE: Too much experiences and no
passion and understand. Also the most men and women doe not to take the
responsibility.
Songsoptok: By the word
‘marriage’ we generally think of a well defined relationship built on the tenet
of spending the entire life together. Do you think that this in itself creates
a type of suffocation which leads to break-ups and divorces?
AGATHE: No, I doe not think so, there are
so much different possibilities. Yes ,I agree with you.
Songsoptok: In a very general way, marriage is understood as the
cohabitation of man and woman with a view to reproduction. Can this narrow and
very physical dimension be the essence of marriage? Doesn’t the success of
marriage depends also on a communion between the personality, psychology and
above all the soul of the married couple?
What is your
opinion? Do you think that in modern society such a definition of marriage is
relevant and realistic?
AGATHE: No, not in my opinion. The world is so crowded now, 7
milliard human!, so it is not necessary
to have everybody the own children .
Songsoptok: It seems that in
today’s society the clash of personalities, especially within marriage, is an
unpleasant reality. Almost 100 years back, D.H.Lawrence said in Lady Chatterley's Lover “The
modern cult of personality is excellent for friendship between sexes, and fatal
for marriage”. In other words, he thought that the development of woman’s
personality is actually a hindrance to successful marriage. What is your
opinion? Do you think that it is the inability of the patriarchal society to
tolerate the independence of women the main reason for the marital conflicts in
today’s society?
AGATHE: I think, the men act very stupid.
They are so proud of their sex and doe not like to share the power. But so most
of the women getting stronger and
stronger. What a dissipate of forth, creativity and imagination !!!!
Songsoptok: Do you think that
society perceives a divorced man and woman in the same way? Most of the time we
see that the woman is blamed for not making the necessary compromises. So the
implicit assumption is that the success of a marriage is directly related to
the woman’s capacity to compromise. What is you view?
AGATHE: Yes, that is so like you said.
Songsoptok: Do you think that
divorce affects the conscious and the subconscious of the children? What,
according to you, could be the effect of a divorce in their adult lives,
positive or negative?
AGATHE: Mostly negative, because they
will never understand, why a man and a woman, wich loved each other, now have
only bad sens now.
Songsoptok: Generally it is the mother who takes care of the children
following a divorce. Although children need their mother more while growing up,
what kind of impact can the absence of a father figure have on a growing child?
So what according to you should be the role of the mother?
AGATHE: There is one big “dead-sin, never
the mother is allowed to speaks bad about the children Father, never, never!
And it is sure, it
is not easy for only one to be 2 persons: mother and father
Songsoptok: What according to you could be
the impact of the growing number of divorces on the next generations? Or do you
think this is the way tomorrow’s society will evolve?
AGATHE: Today there are about half of the
marriages are divorces, so it will be influential to the next generation. We
can not imagine how the evolve will be, only are able to speculate .
I am married since
40 years now, but I also want the divorce
jet. My deep love to my really nice and good looking husband, is
escaped. You know, more than 20 years he never sais, that he loves me. Than he
had girlfriends and went to a prostitute . Afterwards he said to me extremely seldom, that he loves me. And he
likes to make love only once a week in the Sunday morning. This is not enough
for me, never, never. Since the age of 12 I have always some admirers, so I
could choos as much as I want
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