Songsoptok: ‘Marriage is a lifelong symphony with one
central theme but the music is played in anew everyday’ – this is a rough
translation of a line from a short story by Rabindranath Tagore. Do you feel
that this comment, made in a period dominated by Victorian romanticism, is true
today?
MARGARET: I agree with those
words and they are not belonging only
to Victorian era.. To make marriage work both sides have to make steps
towards and make efforts for it to work
Songsoptok: What according to you are the main factors for
keeping marital relationship alive and healthy?
MARGARET: Equality, trust and love
Songsoptok: Very often we see that a happy
marital relationship results when one of the partners surrender to the other’s
ego. Do you think this is how it should be? Especially since it is most often
the woman that surrenders to the man, or more generally to the patriarchal
system?
MARGARET: That not for me surrender your interests , your hopes, but lots of women do sacrifice like that is all dependson circumstances.. if she feel
her partner loves her and never let her
down she would help him to go up in
account of her own interests
Songsoptok: Tolstoi said in his
story THE KREUTZER SONATA “... a marriage without love is no marriage at all,
that only love sanctifies marriage, and that the only true marriage is that
sanctified by love”. We all agree that this is how it should be. That there
should not be a tragic end to any marriage. What is the reason then for the
increasing number of divorces in all societies?
MARGARET: I think the reason is that lots
of women make more money than their spouses
and thus feel that they have more voice in matters then
financial constrains and
desire to try what out there maybe there better partner That goes for men and for women
Songsoptok: By the word
‘marriage’ we generally think of a well defined relationship built on the tenet
of spending the entire life together. Do you think that this in itself creates
a type of suffocation which leads to break-ups and divorces?
MARGARET: I think big % of men think this
way.. But if there truly love and
partners equal in choices then they do
not feel like it and suffer without each other company.. Marriage without love is
union of 2 friends with mutual interests
Songsoptok: In a very general way, marriage is understood as the
cohabitation of man and woman with a view to reproduction. Can this narrow and
very physical dimension be the essence of marriage? Doesn’t the success of
marriage depends also on a communion between the personality, psychology and
above all the soul of the married couple? What is your opinion? Do you think
that in modern society such a definition of marriage is relevant and realistic?
MARGARET: We have to consider all
factors is combination of things . Some
couples cannot have children For me is total nonsense.. people live together
cause they love and need each other
company and if both agree to have child
so better for it .. no everyone
want children
Songsoptok: It seems that in
today’s society the clash of personalities, especially within marriage, is an
unpleasant reality. Almost 100 years back, D.H.Lawrence said in Lady Chatterley's Lover “The
modern cult of personality is excellent for friendship between sexes, and fatal
for marriage”. In other words, he thought that the development of woman’s
personality is actually a hindrance to successful marriage. What is your
opinion? Do you think that it is the inability of the patriarchal society to
tolerate the independence of women the main reason for the marital conflicts in
today’s society?
MARGARET: I absolutely in agreement.. From
my personal experience my ex was reared in such way .. not letting me go
to work , afraid that my independence will lead to his loss of power over me.. but woman is not commodity she is equal to man and only weak man would be afraid of such
thing
Songsoptok: Do you think that
society perceives a divorced man and woman in the same way? Most of the time we
see that the woman is blamed for not making the necessary compromises. So the
implicit assumption is that the success of a marriage is directly related to
the woman’s capacity to compromise. What is you view?
MARGARET: Again depends which country but lots of people still think old
fashioned way that woman is to blame what if man drunk, violent or womanizer or abuser
.. the blame aalso should be on men
Songsoptok: Do you think that
divorce affects the conscious and the subconscious of the children? What,
according to you, could be the effect of a divorce in their adult lives,
positive or negative?
MARGARET: Yes it does.. it might damage
perception of child and grown into adult reject marriage per se been a witness of scandals and violence and hate.. it might come much
later in life of been abusive towards
his or her own partner or child
Songsoptok: What according to you could be
the impact of the growing number of divorces on the next generations? Or do you
think this is the way tomorrow’s society will evolve?
MARGARET: People don’t regard marriage as
before you don’t have to marry if you
don’t want and be free to change
partners be free that kinda regard exist now times changed we not going back.. people don’t live
together just cause sake of children or strange customs
MARGARET GUDKOV: POET
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