A GADGET CALLED WIFE!
(Humour essay)
“Wife is a gadget and in-laws are its accessories.”
(This essay is not about WOMEN, it is about only A
WIFE. So, ladies, please don’t mind. The writer of this essay is putting his
own experiences on paper in the capacity of a humble HUSBAND.)
Wife is not a word. It is a term, a very complex term. And
sometimes it becomes very difficult to define a complex term. So I, and I think
it is not me alone, even most of you will also find it difficult to define this
term. Even after seventeen consecutive years of ‘getting in touch with it’, I
failed to define this term on frequent occasions and I still do fail to define
it. But I know the fact that wife is a creature of God, created to teach man a
lesson. God took out one rib from the rib cage of man and then instead of
putting back that rib, He made wife out of it. The holy books say that Eve was
made from that rib but I believe it was particularly the woman who was destined
to become someone’s wife. Even my mother is also the wife of my father. I have
heard and I have seen many courageous men around me whose courage runs away as soon
as they face their wives.
Essential components of a WIFE:
There are a few essential components of a WIFE.
1.
DOUBT
2.
ARROGANCE
3.
STUBBORNNESS
4.
ENMITY WITH IN-LAWS WITHOUT ANY
REASON
5.
NO NEED OF WISDOM
6.
NO NEED OF ANY EXCUSE TO FIGHT WITH
IN-LAWS
7.
A STRONG SENSE OF SUPERIORITY
This is an incomplete list of components of a WIFE. You can make
your own additions. I don’t know why nearly all husbands do whine about their
wives. Wife is an indispensable part of a HUSBAND’S life, like two wheels of a
vehicle. But the other day, one of my friends told me, “Yes, I agree with you.
Both are two wheels of a vehicle but one is of cycle and the other is of
tractor. And moreover, both do not run in the parallel direction. They run in
the opposite direction”.
Husbands, either Indian or American, Australian or African,
wrestlers or boxers, are the worst victim of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. But in India, the Domestic Violence Act
applies only against HUSBANDS in particular. Adding some more plight to their
agony, there is no constitutional relief for husbands when their wives start their
shooting practice. And what is the worst, you know? They do not allow husbands
to move out to avert the harshness of situation. Many times, in fact, I often
face such situation. When my wife takes a start, I have to listen patiently
with my head bent down in complete submission, despite the knowledge of the
fact that I am not responsible for anything in any way for what my wife is
shouting for.
Every brave man would always
feel humble and coward before his wife. For instance, I put down a real
incidence here. A man was boasting among his friends about his bravery. He said
he had once been in a jungle where he suddenly saw a lion exactly in front of
his eyes. Their eyes met, the man gazed constantly into the eyes of the lion so
fiercely that the lion had to run away with fear. Somebody from the circle
asked him, “Do you not fear even your wife?” He said, “No, never.” That man who
asked this question, again asked him, “Ok, I am going to ask this question to
your wife if you fear her or not.” Now it was the turn of this man. He started
like this, “Hey, hey, hey, please, please, don’t tell her that I have said this
about her. Please, my friend. What I said about the lion was true, but what I said
about my wife, was a joke”.
It is a deliberate effort of a wife to underestimate her husband
exactly on his face. But this same wife will boast very strongly about the
qualities of her husband in the gamut of her and his relatives and neighbours,
about the qualities of her husband of which even Mr. Husband has never been
aware since his birth.
I would like to end this essay with the reference of an event which
will describe the nature of relationship between a husband and a WIFE. I also
wind up my writing out of fear of my fair ladies who are either reading this or
cursing me while reading this. A great saint who was very close to God due to
his long years of prolonged worship, would incessantly get hard words from his
wife. He would be surrounded by his disciples all the time. On seeing this, his
wife would say, “Oh, again those rascals have come here to tease me. Why don’t
you go to the Himalayas with this gang of rascals? Who says you are a saint?
You are good for nothing, man!. You are wasting your time here. Neither do you
earn anything nor do you help me in my household chores. Saints are never like
you.” One day, when the saint came home, his wife started taunting him. She
said, “Your people say you are a saint. They lie. I have seen a saint today in
the afternoon. A white bearded, divine looking man, in a saintly garb, was
flying in the sky. He was flying so elegantly, so gracefully, so pious was his
face that it was illuminating with divine light.” The saint asked, “What time
it was, my dear wife?” She replied, “It must be three in the afternoon.” “Oh my
fair lady, it was me. I was in a hurry to go to the mosque to pray because I
was getting late. So I went flying.” Said the saint with a slight beam of
relaxation on his face mixed with a sense of victory. On hearing this, the wife
said, “Oh, it was YOU? That is why you were flying in such a COARSE MANNER. I
know you are good for nothing. Even you can’t fly properly.”
So, what do you say, man?”.
[HASNAIN AAQIB]
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